Sunday, 3 April 2011

10 and 1 - Worst Lyrics

Janet: Me fail English?

'10 and 1' time kiddies and we're swapping bad hair for awful, awful songwriting. That's right, we're sticking with the 'worst' theme to look at some lyrics that make you think and ask questions. Questions like... how? Why? What? Why? What? Why? How? My advice to you is; don't even bother questioning lyrics as bad as these. As always, we'll end with the '1' which will be an example of fine songwriting. So, let's meet some offensive words!

The 10:

Janet Jackson - Feedback

Cause my swag is serious,
Something heavy like a first day period.

I heard that Janet Jackson uses super-maxi tampons because she has a heavy flow and a wide set vagina.

Snap - Rhythm Is A Dancer

I'm as serious as cancer,
When I say rhythm is a dancer.

Well, that is definitely serious. It's also extremely offensive and one of the worst comparative choices you could possibly make. You know the best way to ruin what's meant to be a fun song? Mention the word cancer. 

Timbaland - Give It To Me

I'm respected from Califor-ni-a,
Way down to Japan.

Now, I never really did geography at school, so correct me if I'm wrong... Japan is in the Northern Hemisphere. California, a state of the U.S.A is in the Northern Hemisphere. They're practically at the same Latitude. My extensive research shows that they're actually both at a latitude of 36 degrees N. You know what this means? 1) You can't go down from California to get to Japan. 2) Timbaland fails at geography... and thus life in general.

Master P - Do You Know

If you don't bring back my mutha-f**kin' money or my mutha-f**kin' dope,
You can forget about Christmas n****r,
Cause you ain't gon' even see New Year's.

Our next round in 'Are You Smarter Than A Rapper?' features Master P! Asking the next question to Monsieur P is like asking someone with an average intelligence - what came first, the chicken or the egg? So, Master P... your question is - what comes first, Christmas or New Year's day?

The Killers - Human

Are we human,
Or are we dancer?

You thought you could get away with anything, didn't you, Flowers? Well, you thought wrong. Are we dancer? Really? REALLY?

Eminem - Love the Way You Lie

Now you get to watch her leave out the window,
Guess that's why they call it window pane.

This is just lazy, lazy songwriting. It's also stupid, stupid songwriting. This actually makes me want to leave "out the window" but it has to be a window with at least a seven story drop.

Talking Heads - Once In A Lifetime

There is water at the bottom of the ocean,
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean,
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean.

... ... ... drown at the bottom of the ocean.

Madonna - American Life

I'm drinking a soy latte, I get a double shot-tay,
It goes right through my bo-day,
And you know I'm satisfied...

I don't know about you, but I'm never satisfied when a milk-based beverage "goes right through my bo-day." At least not at first. What?

Cheap Trick - Ghost Town

And there's music playing,
But I can't hear a sound,
Just the sound of the rain,
Falling silently down.

I'd make fun, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Cheap Trick's singer is deaf. Evidence? He can't hear the music and, more importantly, he can identify that it's raining, but he can't actually hear it. Poor guy. But seriously? This is just ridiculous, even if I can identify with the hatred for that damn silent rain!

Shakira - Whenever, Wherever

Lucky that my breasts are small and humble,
So you don't confuse them, with mountains.

Yeah... lucky. What? Why? How? Why? What? How?

And 1:

Fleetwood Mac - Dreams

Now here you go again,
You say, you want your freedom,
Well who am I to keep you down?

You just know I have to do some sort of best lyrics countdown now. Anyway, enjoy pondering some of the beautiful poetry you saw in 'the 10.' Remember, don't question it... embrace it. Why? How? What? Why? How? Why?

1 comment:

  1. Ha. Love it.
    Though im totally guilty of still lovin' Give it to Me.


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