Sunday, 1 May 2011

10 and 1 - There's Just Too Many Questions




Let's open this '10 and 1' with a terribly redundant statement. Music can make you feel a wide range of emotions and the best music can force you to free your mind (thanks En Vogue) and really think about the statement it's trying to make. Then there are those songs where an artist doesn't make a clear statement and instead asks a question. In the best case, the question is unbelievably easy to answer. Or, it's such a stupid question even Snooki could answer it (are we human, or are we dancer?). Sometimes, a song will directly or indirectly ask you a question and you think... and think... and think and think and think but you just can't come up with an answer. If it's a rhetorical question like, how many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man (7?), don't even bother with it. Actually, if it's anything Bob Dylan asks you, ignore it. Pretend you didn't hear him. Run away. So, if you haven't figured it out, today we're going to look at ten interesting questions asked in music and attempt to answer them before ending with one question we just couldn't be bothered to answer. Gotta get the '1' in there somehow.


The 10


Q: What won't Meat Loaf do for love?
Song - 'I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)'
by Meat Loaf


A: That. Duh. But if you're paying attention to the lyrics, Mr. Loaf does answer what 'that' is four times throughout the song. In the opening vocals, we're told that he would run right into hell and back, he'd never lie to you (and that's a fact) and he'll never forget the way you feel right now. That's would be the first 'that.' This continues with each subsequent chorus, as we're told two things that Meat Loaf would do for love and the one thing he wouldn't do, which isn't some sick, perverted act that his body size just won't allow him to do. The final three acts he won't do are; forgive myself if we don't go all the way tonight, do it better than I do with you so long (what?) and stop dreaming of you every night of my life. That's what Meat Loaf won't do for love. 


Q: What is the difference between him and capital H.I.M?
Song - 'Born This Way'
by Lady Gaga


A: LGG. That's Lady Gaga, like you didn't know. This question is what inspired today's post, as it seems to be quite a cause of inner turmoil to a friend of mine. First, let's start with what capital H.I.M isn't. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't mean Health Information Management. Alright, no one thought it meant that. It also does not refer to His Infernal Majesty aka Satan, Prince of Darkness (s'up?). Well, not exactly. As Lady Gaga herself explains, capital Him (not H.I.M) refers to your beliefs. Him is your God, your Satan, your Allah, your Buddah, your Lady Gaga, your Britney, your Charlie Sheen. It's what you believe in. 'Born This Way' is not only an anthem for gay rights ("it doesn't matter if you love him), it's about accepting everyone for who they are ("or capital Him). You're welcome J. Marrington.


Q: Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?
Song - 'Do You Really Want To Hurt Me'
by Culture Club


A: Boy George doesn't want you to hurt him. But he's more than happy to hurt you, especially if you're a male escort.


Q: Are you thinking of me when you f**k her?
Song - 'You Oughta Know'
by Alanis Morissette


A: Tough one. I mean, do you think Ryan Reynolds was thinking of Alanis while bedding Scar.Jo? You'd say no, but they got divorced so... maybe he was thinking of his former flame. Not that Alanis cares. She knows Scar.Jo isn't perverted like her and she sure as hell wouldn't go down on you in a theatre like Morissette would. Damn that songs dirty. Dirty and awesome!


Q: What would you do if your son was at home,
crying all alone on the bedroom floor 'coz he's hungry?
Song - 'What Would You Do?'
by City High


A: And the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money? Yes, I understand that his daddy's gone, somewhere smokin' rock now... in and out of lock down and you ain't got a job now. But really, what are you doing gurl? Get a job flippin' burgers, waitressing or both. Look, it isn't what I call LIFE so get up on your feet and stop makin' up tired excuses. Gurl.


Q: What have you done for me lately?
Song - 'What Have You Done For Me Lately'
by Janet Jackson


A: Nothing. You know why, Janet? Because you've done nothing for me lately. That's why. No, slipping a ginormous nipple covered by a star doesn't do anything for me.


Q: How soon is now?
Song - 'How Soon Is Now?'
by The Smiths


A: Great song, stupid title. Um, maybe now is in three years. Oh, no... it was December 15, 1762. Ask a stupid question, Morrissey.


Q: Do you believe in life after love?
Song - 'Believe'
by Cher


A: You'd think with all that plastic in her face, Cher wouldn't need to harden up. Anyway, the better question would have been, do you believe in love after life. Now that would have had me spinning some crazy (and possibly gross if you think about it... but don't) theories.  


Q: What is love?
Song: 'What is Love'
by Haddaway


A: Rather than taking the easy approach and explaining it as a feeling or the hard approach and look at chemical reactions within the body that create the 'feeling' of love, we're going to look at love in the context of this song. The title is followed with the lines, "baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more." My theory? Boy George chained up Haddaway and he was all like, this isn't love... don't hurt me. Have you got a better answer to this question? Didn't think so.


Q: Why does it always rain on me?
Song - 'Why Does It Always Rain On Me?'
by Travis


A: No, it's not because you lied when you were seventeen. I bet you did something much, much worse. And one day... I'll find out what it was. Just. You. Wait.


And 1:


Q: Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war
for a lead role in a cage?
Song - 'Wish You Were Here'
by Pink Floyd


A: THERE'S JUST TOO MANY QUESTIONS!!!


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