Sunday, 26 February 2012

Text Review - Soundwave 2012




For the peeps out there who enjoy their music a little bit harder, there's really only one major Australian music festival catering to your needs... Soundwave! Slipknot, System of a Down, Trivium... they've got you covered. For the peeps out there who are still living in 1999, there's really only one major Australian music festival catering to your needs... Soundwave!!! Marilyn Manson, Limp Bizkit, Bush... they've got you covered. For the peeps out there who still think emo is a thing... stop that.


Sadly, I wasn't in attendance for Soundwave's stop at the RNA showgrounds in Brisbane yesterday, but our bestest, hardest working (unpaid) member of staff was; Jo! So just like Jo's text review of Splendour in the Grass, we've brought it back for Soundwave 2012. Let's do this.


Text Review - Soundwave 2012


Jo: Was going to Viber the crap outta these text reviews but getting no wifi connection here. Ridiculous. So, today's text reviews brought to you by rain, the new and improved (?) metal version of Jo, gumboots and bad tattoos, lots of them. I'm only just in and my blackest t-shirt isn't black enough. By the way, ponchos are not, in any way, attractive. Neither are Soundwave patrons.


Matt: I hope your poncho is floral based with pictures of unicorns and rainbows.


Jo: Text review ahoy!! Cherri Bomb: I wish I knew enough about you to get up earlier on a Saturday and make the effort to see you. Sorry. Next time maybe? Saves The Day: you look like a combination of members of Blur and Wolfmother, you sound like a band on before midday. Steel Panther: you do remember you were a joke band, right? I'm not sure the patrons get it. Lost Prophets: you can count AND play instruments at the same time. Good work! Fireworks: your guitarist is so enthusiastic. I want to like you, but the acoustics in the shed are so bad I can't tell if you're Green Day or Katy Perry wannabes. Shame. Also, the Soundwave safety fences are beginning to get annoying.




Matt: Wait, you didn't see Cherri Bomb? Rookie error.


Jo: AlterBridge: What? These are originals? You're not a Creed coverband? A Day To Remember: Oh! You're like the metal Flaming Lips with all the colourful beach balls and bouncing! Cute! Meshuggah: if metal was played as elevator music, you'd have made a fortune. Is the awkward silence between songs on purpose? Stop it. It's weird. Coal Chamber: time to rename yourselves Old Chamber. Bush: If I close my eyes and pretend it's the late '90s, you're alright. It's not though. On a Soundwave note; caged drinking areas are funny. Monkeys want some peanuts?


Matt: Alterbridge pretty much are a Creed coverband, no? Please take a photo of the monkeys with flash off... Don't want to anger them.


Jo: Bad Religion: like the papa's of pop punk, they still do it well and better than so many others. Makes me want to dust my skateboard off... or buy 1, or something. Cobra Starship: I don't know why ur on the Soundwave lineup, but ur a nice bit of fun to break up the runny eyeliner seriousness and metal dogs barking that's been going on all day. Limp Bizkit: u do remember u were a joke band, right? I'm not sure the patrons get it. Er, what? On a Soundwave patrons note; where have all these 90s throwbacks been hibernating all these years? It's 2012 you know. I wonder where they've been hiding?




Matt: I'm assuming they've come from coastal areas. They left urban zones following the end of grunge. It was the bubblegum pop that drove them out.


Jo: Soundwave is springtime for them. They've woken and they're hungry, dammit.


Matt: Wait until Slipknot... BOOM!!


Jo: Marilyn Manson: twice the man you used to be, literally. (Celebrity Biggest Loser contestant; 2015?) If you organised all the bats flying overhead at the start of your set, that was a nice touch. I was going to say I was wishing for Courtney in a helicopter, but then you played that Depeche Mode cover and Beautiful People to finish and it was all too good. Slipknot: the show Marilyn Manson should have put on. You do your thing really well, costumes and fire and climbing and theatrics, the people seem to love it and that has to be admired.




Jo: System Of A Down: it is obvious why you are the headliners on the main stage. You're a little bit serious, a little bit funny and better than all the others. You provide the best singalong of the festival "wake up, hfjnkgfhgd, make up etc" (no one really knows the words do they?). It was worth the mud and rain and stench to see that.




For those of you wondering, Jo's poncho was blue. How do I know? Instagram. Totes stalked you. Awkward?

2 comments:

  1. No Enter Shikari?!?!?!!!!!

    And Jo why were you not at Dashboard Confessional trying to commit suicide with all the depressed teens?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jo excellent reviews! I particularly enjoyed your System of a Down review... I've totally been singing hfjnkgfhgd for years.

    ReplyDelete

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