Tuesday, 10 April 2012

10 and 1 - Lyrics That Make You Go Hmmmm


H. Duff: "What's that thing that happens when the light isn't off?"

Tuesday means it's '10 and 1' time! Since we've still got our first ever giveaway going on, I thought we'd look at some very questionable lyrics. Lyrics that are so inane, you'll be left wondering who would ever think they were a good idea at all. Ten of those and then one piece of excellent songwriting to remind you that there's still great lyrics out there. You probably know some that you want to use when entering our giveaway! Anywho, let's get the crapola out of the way first!


The 10:


So Yesterday
by Hilary Duff


If the light is off,
Then it isn't on.


Marge Simpson sums it up best, Duffster...





You're So Vain
by Carly Simon


You're so vain,
I bet you think this song is about you...


 You want to know why he thinks this song is about him Carly? Does anyone really need to explain it to you? You're singing a song to him AND about him. Not quite the smartest move. Don't you agree (don't you, don't you)? 


You Are So Beautiful
by Joe Cocker


You are so beautiful... to me.


This one has always left me a little baffled. Yes, it's innocent and sweet, but it's also a massive backhanded compliment. My dear, you're beautiful... but you're only beautiful to me. Everyone else thinks you're a dog. Is this just Cocker's attempt at getting laid easily? You know it. 


When You Wasn't Famous
by The Streets


So when you try to pull a girl, who is also famous too,
It feels just like when you wasn't famous.


I beg your pardon? No, seriously. What did you just say in a public forum? There's only so much abuse of the English language one can stand. 


A Thousand Miles
by Vanessa Carlton


If I could fall, into the sky,
Do you think time, would pass me by?


Look, I love this song as much as the next sixteen year old girl, but there's something about this line that just leaves me awfully confused. How does one fall into the sky? I don't think you can just fall into the sky, I think one has to be pushed... from a great height. On the way down, I don't think time would be passing you by, but I do assume that your life would flash before your eyes, right before you smashed into the ground. I just think it's wrong to assume that the natural laws of time and space will fly out the window automatically because you're falling into the sky. 


Life
by Des'ree


I'm a superstitious girl, I'm the worst in the world,
Never walk under the ladders, I keep a rabbit's tail.


If I believed you were trying to convey that you're the worst person in the world when it comes to understanding superstitious beliefs, I'd be willing to let this one go Des'ree. I'm not buying it though. I think you're trying to say you're the most superstitious girl in the world and thus, you should know that it's a rabbit's foot that one keeps for luck. Keeping a rabbit's tail just makes you a monster. Poor bunny. 


Favourite Damn Disease
by Nickelback


I love your pants around your feet, and I love the dirt that's on your knees, 
I like the way you still say please while you're looking up at me,
You're like my favourite damn disease.


Look, Chad. No. Just... no. You get disease ridden bj's out the back of some barn-like-bar down south. Good for you, but there's no need to put it in writing. Excuse me while I go vomit. 


Cater 2 U
by Destiny's Child


I'll keep it tight, I'll keep my figure right...


When you come home late tap me on my shoulder, I'll roll over...


Baby I heard you, I'm here to serve you,
Let me feed you, let me run your bathwater,
Whatever you desire, I'll aspire.
 

Want a foot rub? You want a manicure?


I would totally believe that Jay-Z is keen for a manicure every now and then, but other than that... way to go Beyonce and the other two! All they need is a tap on the shoulder and BAM... it's on. It's just too much from a group that preached the nature of being an independent woman. Waaaay too much. 


I Am...I Said
by Neil Diamond


I am, I said, to no one there,
And no one heard at all, not even the chair,
I am, I cried...


 Sweet, merciful Zeus. I've always assumed Neil Diamond lived in his own world, but I never would have thought that in the Diamond-verse there would be people-chair hybrids. 


Life
by Des'ree


I don't want to see a ghost,
It's the sign that I fear most,
I'd rather have a piece of toast,
Watch the evening news.


Ghost, most, toast, boast, coast, roast, host, post, bedpost... Des'ree was just lazy. She could have kept that rhyme going forever. It should have been a little more like this; I don't want to see a ghost, it's the sign that I fear most, I'd rather have a piece of toast, then I can have a boast, down by the coast, while I eat a lamb roast, I make an excellent host, afterwards I'll send some post and then... something to do with bedpost. 


And 1:


Both Sides Now
by Joni Mitchell




I've looked at life from both sides now,
From up and down and still somehow,
It's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all.


That right there? That's great songwriting. 

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