Tuesday, 8 May 2012

10 and 1 - Worst Album Names

Creep of the day!

Less is more, especially when naming an album. A snappy, attention grabbing phrase or just a single word; that's all you need to successfully name your work. There's no need to make jokes or try to be ironic. There's no need to let it go on forever like a Fall Out Boy song title. It's like a film or novel title. Keep it short and sweet and everyone will remember it. You want some examples of album titles that suck and suck hard... well this week's '10 and 1' has ten of the worst album titles of all time. As is the standard for these posts, I'll leave you with one perfectly named album. Enjoy!

The 10:

When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like A King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters The Ring There's No Body To Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You'll Know Where to Land and If You Fall it Won't Matter, Cuz You Know That You're Right
by Fiona Apple

My brain hurts. Seriously, oy vey. Fiona Apple, why so cray-cray?

How You Sell Soul To A Soulless People Who Sold Their Soul?
by Public Enemy

"May God have mercy on my soul, and Dad's soul, and Mom's soul, and Maggie's soul, and everybody else's soul." The Simpsons... is there anything they don't have an amazing quote for? This sounds more like one of those phrases you get people to say real fast ten times so they look like a fool. 

Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavoured Water
by Limp Bizkit

For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge
by Van Halen

You think the acronym makes you cool and edgy. I think the full title makes you sound like creepy pedophiles. 

by Steps

Only because I prefer Steptastic. If they had gone with Steptastic, they'd still be a major presence on the charts today. 

Kisses on the Bottom
by Paul McCartney

Paul McCartney wants to kiss you all over, and over and again... till the night closes in. Enjoy tonight's nightmares.

The Hits and Beyond
by Dannii Minogue

Now, I don't want to be too mean to Kylie's sister, but I have some issues with the name of this "greatest hits" compilation. It's not called #1's, but to use the word hit is just a bit much. 'I Begin To Wonder' is the collection's only real smash hit song, peaking at #2 in the UK. 'Put The Needle On It,' 'This Is It' and 'All I Wanna Do' were modest hits too, yet you wouldn't call them hits either, would you? Come on Dannii fan (nope, didn't need the 's'), tell me otherwise. Convince me of her musical worth! Don't try to bring 'Who Do You Love Now' into this; she was the featured artist. And what's with all this 'beyond' business? The Minor-Hits Plus Some Other Songs You Haven't Heard would have been much more suitable. 

This Is Me... Then
by Jennifer Lopez

Saywhatnow? Don't be fooled by the rocks that she got, this makes no sense. 

by Mariah Carey

 Apparently E = emancipation; M = Mariah; C = Carey and it's to the power of two people. Physicists all over the world died a little inside when this was released.

The Boy Bands Have Won, and All the Copyists and the Tribute Bands and the TV Talent Show Producers Have Won, If We Allow Our Culture to Be Shaped by Mimicry, Whether from Lack of Ideas or From Exaggerated Respect. You Should Never Try to Freeze Culture. What You Can Do Is Recycle That Culture. Take Your Older Brother's Hand-Me-Down Jacket and Re-Style It, Re-Fashion It to the Point Where It Becomes Your Own. But Don't Just Regurgitate Creative History, or Hold Art and Music and Literature as Fixed, Untouchable and Kept Under Glass. The People Who Try to 'Guard' Any Particular Form of Music Are, Like the Copyists and Manufactured Bands, Doing It the Worst Disservice, Because the Only Thing That You Can Do to Music That Will Damage It Is Not Change It, Not Make It Your Own. Because Then It Dies, Then It's Over, Then It's Done, and the Boy Bands Have Won.
by Chumbawumba

Oh, I see what you're doing. You're trying to make some sort of statement. I'm not sure what it is, but you're saying, "we're more than that song about pissing the night away. We have opinions and the music industry is a harsh mistress and boy bands suck man and we were famous one time, I swear!"  

The 1:

by Fleetwood Mac
One word. That's all Fleetwood Mac needed to sum up the entire basis of their album. After their rise to fame following the success of Fleetwood Mac, the band were a constant presence in gossip columns, with inaccurate stories about Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham's relationship, John and Christine McVie's divorce and Mick Fleetwood's adulteress wife published daily. Their lives were defined by the rumours spread about them. Each track on the album deals with relationships in the lives of the key songwriters, Nicks, Buckingham and Christine McVie, giving a completely honest yet subtle account of what was really going on in their lives. Then there's 'Gold Dust Woman' which is pretty much just the story of Nicks getting her coke fix, right? Kidding. Kinda. This is how you name an album, kids!


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