Tuesday, 24 July 2012

10 and 1 - Guilty Pleasures


There's this one question we were asking almost every reader when we conducted our weekly 'Who Do You Think You Are' interview that was bothering me for awhile. What are your music guilty pleasures? Answers have ranged from Nicki Minaj and Fleetwood Mac to the Spice Girls and Beyonce. Like I said, this kinda bothered me. It wasn't that the answers were wrong... there are no wrong answers when it comes to our beautiful readers (we love you!)... it's just that when I'd read what other people decided were their music guilty pleasures, I figured I had a serious problem. I've spent countless nights (seconds) pondering and pondering until I just couldn't ponder my little conundrum anymore. A decision was made. "Clearly the people won't be really honest about the music they're embarrassed to like unless someone is willing to sacrifice their own dignity first." Since I'm pretty sure Jo has a faultless taste in music, I guess I'm going to have to take one for the team. It's not like I had much or any dignity left anyway. Here's ten songs that cause the world's smallest smile to form in the corner of my mouth when I hear them, before I find the closest mirror and my mirror-image gets all serious and says, "if you tell anyone you like this, you're dead!" Mirror-Matt Bond is quite similar to this...

Yeah, if you can't find me in a couple of days you know who's responsible for my untimely demise. In the grand tradition of '10 and 1,' I'll leave you with one song that I'll never be ashamed to admit I enjoy. If you know me, you are already aware of my love for it and the iPhone soundboard that was made in its honour. Let the awkwardness begin. Enjoy?


THE 10:

The Curse of the Curves (2007)
by Cute Is What We Aim For 

Arguably the most punchable face a lead-singer will ever have, the lamest emo dinner party one could attend and disproportionately attractive pairings. That's just the music video. "Are you perspiring from the irony?" Not even a little bit, but for reasons unknown I like this song. Just writing that killed a little piece of my soul.

Left Outside Alone (2004)
by Anastacia

Yeah, yeah... laugh it up chumps. There's a good chance you liked 'Left Outside Alone' back in '04 as well; it was the second biggest song in Australia that year. Looking at the video now, I'm chuckling a whole lot when A-stash attempts to go all Amy Lee at the start, but I still can't not like this song. Urgh. 

You All Dat (2001)
by Baha Men 

There are no words that can be used to defend this one. All I know is, I've been waiting my whole life to see someone attempt club seduction with the immortal lines, "tell me would it be ok if I say... you got it, you all dat, you got it... baby don't turn me away." Ridiculous. 

Lips of an Angel (2006)
by Hinder

Please don't judge me. "But girl you make it hard to be faithful, with the lips of an angel." Gross. Let's chalk this up to what I'll call 'Creed Syndrome.' A new rock band emerges with a catchy tune, radio plays it to death and before you've realised how awful the song really is, you find yourself belting it out in the car when it comes on. After about a week when it comes on the radio, you turn the volume down and mouth along with the song so the person in the car next to you has absolutely no chance of knowing what you're singing. 

  My Heart Will Go On (1997)
by Celine Dion

Take that smug look off your face, I was ten years old when Titanic was released. I had no taste as a child so leave me alone... ... ... ... Celine Dion is amazing! Don't believe me? 

Ooh Ahh (2005)
by Tamara Jaber

Haha. Yeah, I got nothing. 

Helena (2005)
by My Chemical Romance

This one comes with a caveat of sorts; I like it because I made up a little dance to it. That's sad in itself, but I got such a kick out of it I ended up liking the song. And hating myself for it. Whatever, emo was all the rage back then. If you weren't hating yourself and complaining about first world problems, what were you doing?

  Lucky (2000)
by Britney Spears

"Whaaaat? It's Britney, bitch. She ain't no guilty pleasure y'all!" you say. Lose the profanity and stop pretending you're from the south. Everyone knows that liking anything pre-In The Zone that's not '...Baby One More Time' counts as a guilty pleasure. Do you want to know what part of 'Lucky' is my favourite? No? Well I'll tell you anyway. It's that bit where early morning, she wakes up, knock-knock-knock on the door and then BOOM-BOOM-BOOM someone knocks on the door. No wait, it's the bit where she wins Best Actress which is hilarious considering her performance in Crossroads. Side note: how delicious does she look here? Wait, that's creepy when I say it now and she's like 17 in the video and I'm old...er than that. 

Shut Up (2002)
by Kelly Osbourne

Even worse, I was a big fan of Kelly's 'Papa Don't Preach' cover. I was so interesting in high school. 

Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father) (2005)
by Lindsay Lohan 

But not as interesting as I must have been first year out of school. Wow. Saving the best for last? "Because these are, these are, the confessions... OF A BROKEN HEAAAAAAAART." Fail. 

THE 1:

Friday (2011)
by Rebecca Black

It may very well be the worst thing to happen to the music industry last year, but I love it all the same. It brings a smile to my dial each and every listen with anthemic lyrics like, "we, we, we so excited, we so excited," and "fun, fun, fun." And how could I ever look at a car and not wonder, "which seat can I taaaaaake." Friday's are more fun these days and I've only got Rebecca Black to thank for that. I am not a crazy person. Sorta, kinda, maybe. 

Well... for the three of you that have made it this far without swearing never to trust my opinion on music ever again, I say thank you. You can look forward to reading our sister-blog It's My Kind of Shit Taste In Music real soon!

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