Wednesday, 15 August 2012

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - Soul Train!

There's just nothing quite like the train...

Soul Train
by Katie Langley

Despite the fact that my personal space is invaded, that I haven’t quite been able to coordinate standing, holding on for dear life and reading, and that it’s a moving germ capsule… There’s just something I love about catching the train.

 Just another day on the train...

The awkward moment when you catch someone’s eye and don’t know where to look.
The awkward moment when a fat person sits next to you.
The awkward moment when you answer a telephone call in the Quiet Carriage.
And the awkward moment when someone has their music just a little bit too loud. Although why is that music generally always doof doof?

Aside from the offensive dance music, I am continually surprised and amused by the musical selections of my fellow train travellers.

Just this week I grooved along with a rasta wannabe to his reggae beats. Although, that may have been because I was overcome with fumes. Seriously, it smelt like he had used marijuana to wash his body, hair, teeth and clothes (unless Omo have a new “Mary Jane” scented product that I’m not aware of). It’s worth noting that this occurred before 7:30am. Rastafari.

The conservative zombie office workers are always interesting. Like the lady in her power skirt suit nodding along feverishly to Labrinth’s 'Earthquake.' Or the beefcake busting out of his collared shirt and tie listening to Katy Perry’s 'Firework.' Oh yeah, I heard it pal. Go on, let your colours burst.

Resisting the urge to sing 'Tik Tok.'

Then there are the school kids. I watched in amusement as two girls tried to have a conversation with each other while both listening to their iPods. After a lot of “huhs” and “whats” one girl finally got the shits and screamed, "I can’t hear you!" Or how about the girl who was having a nice afternoon kip on her journey home, earphones in, to the sounds of Skrillex. Yeah, right, because I’ve always thought that 'Kill Everybody' was a soothing song.

In the same way that there are Quiet Carriages I wonder what it would be like to have a Musical Carriage. And not in the Glee-esque way.

Given that it would be fairly difficult to appeal to the musical tastes of the masses the most logical solution would be a roster system.

The week would kick off with a bang for Metal Monday. Train travellers would be encouraged to dress in black, and wear their hair out for hair twirling. The train driver would announce every station with a growl – “Uhhhh we’re at fuckin’ Albion uhhhhhh”. Must have artists would be Iron Maiden, Slayer and Cradle of Filth.

Next we’d have Top 40 Tuesday. Revellers can get their fill of P!nk, Justin Bieber, and Carly Rae Jepsen. Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but if you’ve got a cold, use a tissue, maybe?

Women Rock Wednesday would be dedicated to all-girl bands like The Donnas, Salt’n’Pepper, Hole and Spice Girls. Travellers would be encouraged to yell “girl power” at every opportunity.

Theme Music Thursday would include the soundtracks for movies like Romeo and Juliet, Grease and Titanic. The ship sank, but Celine Dion lives on.

Flower Power Friday would spread a little peace and love through The Doors, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix. Travellers would be required to sit cross-legged on the floor, and hug the people around them as they depart.

Ska Punk Saturday would have us skankin’ to The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Sublime and No Doubt. BYO checkered pants and trumpet.

And Soft Rock Sunday would wrap up the week with Bryan Adams, Lenny Kravitz and Oasis. There’s nothing funny about soft rock.

A proposed design for the new Musical Carriage aka the iCarriage...

Until Queensland Rail agree to introduce the Musical Carriage I will continue to eavesdrop and groove along with my fellow commuters. Although, I really have had it with the motherfuckin’ doof doof on the motherfuckin’ train!

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