Wednesday, 19 September 2012

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - Faydee Away

Who are you and why are you wearing that?

Forget The World
Potentially the worst song of all time...
by Katie Langley

Hello class, and welcome to the K-Tizzle Sizzle. Please pull up your seats and sharpen your pencils, as this week I have a little bit of homework for you. No, Matt Bond, you will not be excused for a bathroom break.

Exercise 1: Watch the following video:

Don’t cheat. Right to the end students!

Exercise 2: Write down the first word that comes to mind. Still thinking? Hurry up! Got it? Good.

Curious to know what mine is? “Rubbish”.

Class, there’s not a nice way to say it – this is fucking terrible! Seriously, do people actually like this? Do they wake up in the morning and put this song on to gee them up for the day? Do people get freaky to this song? Wait, am I in the minority?!

Laughable moment #1 – The name of the song.

Laughable moment # 2 – His haircut.

Laughable moment #3 – His face. Botox?

Laughable moment #4 – The moment I thought I might actually see some old man schlong.

Laughable moment #5 – The weird look of anger on his face. Constipation?

Laughable moment #6 – The pant-less dancing.

Laughable moment #7 – The awkward staring into the abyss.

Laughable moment #8 – The fist pumping.

Laughable moment #9 – His dance moves. Unless he’s playing invisible table tennis.

Laughable moment #10 – The guy with the overalls half unbuttoned. Wrong decade.

Laughable moment #11 – The uncomfortable attempt to act tough with his posse of idiots. I hate you.

Laughable moment #12 – Giving the finger to the camera. See #11.

Laughable moment #13 – The deep vee baby blue t-shirt. Yeah, you’re real tough.

Yes, I’ve ended on an uneven number. But laughable moments cannot be contained to nice, neat numbers.

Final Exercise: Take a long hard look in the mirror and answer honestly, “Did you enjoy this song?”. If you answered “no”, congratulations, you have received a gold star and proceed to the top of the class. If you answered “yes”, please pull your pants down and prepare for a caning.

Class dismissed!

P.S. Did I miss any laughable moments? Let me know.

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