Wednesday, 31 October 2012

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - Offensive Halloween

And so, the Zombie Apocalypse begins. With Courtney Love.

Offensive Halloween
by Katie Langley

It’s Halloween ghouls and boys. The day I dread a little, every year. At my house it’s the day we keep the lights off, and pretend we’re not home to avoid the knock knock at the door from the neighbourhood brats begging for sweets. However, their recent “Fukk you” (c’mon kids, get it right) chalk graffiti on our driveway has got me re-considering my options. Maybe a little Sizzler salad-bar style treatment? Effective, sure, but extreme and punishable with jail time. I might just settle for hiding in the bushes and scaring the absolute bee-jesus out of them.

Top 5 spook-a-licious musical happenings (in no particular order – they’re equally spooky!)

Nice shorts, Mrs Smith.

1. Jada Pinkett-Smith is in a heavy metal band.

You know she is right? Will Smith’s wife! Mrs Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Mrs Wicckyy wicccky Wild Wild West. “Wicked Wisdom” formed in 2002, and have played Ozzfest. OZZFEST. Can you believe it?

Her lips say no-no, but her eyes whisper, "save me."

2. Avril Lavigne is engaged to Chad Kroeger.

There’s something beautiful about the fact that two of the worlds most hated celebrities have ended up together. When I heard this news there was a lot of “What?” and “Huh?”, followed by “Isn’t he too old for her?”, “When did he get a haircut?” and “Do you think he had botox?”.

3. People actually bought Paris Hilton’s music.

Yes, it’s true. Paris Hilton released an album in 2006 and as at March 2011, 197000 copies had been sold in the US!!!!!!!!!! I can only assume that it was some sort of morbid curiosity that led people to purchase this tripe.

4. Courtney Love is still alive.

This woman is a red hot mess. But how is she still around? What kind of vitamins is she taking?

Hugh Hefner for a new generation. Of ho's.

5. One of The Veronicas actually let Billy Corgan put his ‘p’ in her ‘v.’

There is no way in hell I would let that bald-headed c-bomb put his rat anywhere near my cage.
Happy Halloween! Here, have an offensive joke…

“I bought my wife some crotchless knickers for Halloween, Nothing sexual, just to give her a better grip on her broomstick”.

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