Thursday, 15 November 2012

It's All Coming Back To Me Now - More Mo, Mo, Mo

Who doesn't love a vintage moustache?

More Mo, Mo, Mo
by Jo Michelmore

Since Katie started us off this week, let’s continue the theme, vintage style. Some people love them, some people hate them. Some people think they’re creepy; some people love the fact that they’re creepy. Some people can hold their own with one; some people look like something crawled out of their mouth and took up residence just below their nose. Some people grow them once a year for a charity event and some people actually raise money for said charity, which is nice. Some people like them right now because it seems to be a thing, a trend, a fashion one might say, some people like them right now because they always have, since the first time they were in, which was….sometime, I’m sure. Me? Take it or leave it, really, depends on the person sporting it, doesn’t it? I probably prefer one in conjunction with other facial hair, as in, not a lone outcrop of hair on ones lip, but as part of a forest of hair around one’s chin and cheeks and other parts of one’s face. Of course, it’s the moustache we speak of and many a musician has sported a moustache, some good, some not so good. Let’s start with…

Ace Of Spades
by Motorhead, 1980

Lemmy, king of metal to so many. Lemmy, King of facial hair to so many others. I dare not say anything bad about Lemmy, people love him and the people who love him REALLY love him and his moustache. I wouldn’t dare offend them, or him. That, and I just wanted an excuse to post the Ace Of Spades. Don’t tell me you haven’t found the opportunity to scream “THE ACE OF SPADES, THE ACE OF SPADES” at someone once in your life? No? Shame. You should work on that. Work on your moustache too. It’s probably not anywhere near as manly as Lemmy’s, who sports what I think is one of the man-liest moustaches in music. Whether that’s a good thing or not is up to you.

When Doves Cry
by Prince, 1984

I’m not going to say I don’t like Prince, because I do. I think he’s an incredibly talented man, with music, but one talent he doesn’t have? The ability to grow facial hair. You’re a funny little guy, aren’t you Prince? On one hand, such a musician, on the other, such a creep. That strange little line above your lip, it took until 1:57 in this clip to even tell if that was a moustache and not just the casting of shadow from your nose. “Dig if you will the picture, of you and I engaged in a kiss, the sweat of your body covers me, can you my darling, can you picture this?” No, Prince, no! I can’t picture that because it’s horrible and weird and creepy, like that thing on your face. Stop it.

I Want To Break Free
 by Freddie Mercury's Mo/Queen, 1984

This is one of my favourite clips of all time*. (*Not an exaggeration) There is possibly nothing** I love more than a man, dressed in a leather skirt with one dirty great big moustache on his face, doing household chores. (**Possibly an exaggeration.) My favourite Queen clip? This one, obviously. It’s got one of my favourite openings for a clip, ever, then Freddie gets his shirt off and his leather pants and double belt on and his hairy chest out, then, just when I think it can’t get any better, the interpretative dancing kicks in. All of this and Freddie sports one of the most famous moustaches in rock history. Love.

 by Lionel Richie, 1984

I know, three moustaches from 1984? Perhaps this was the height of moustache-ism. Perhaps this was when the moustache was the hottest. Who knows? Lionel knows. Hello Lionel, hello Lionel’s moustache. You can’t have one without the other. When you think of Lionel Richie, what first comes to mind? I know, me too; “hello, is it me you’re looking for?” No, not really Lionel, I’m not looking for you. I am looking for your stylist though, because they really need a slapping. Someone should have told you by now. The mo has got to go.

Learn To Fly
by Foo Fighters, 1999

Dave Grohl has sported facial hair of all descriptions in his time. Full beard, part beard, goatee, part goatee, part moustache, nude face. Never was his facial hair more moustache-y than in this clip, which is classic Foo. There’s the midi version of the song at the start, Dave getting hot for…himself, straight men in drag, a funny little story to go with it all and some of the finest moustaches of the late 90’s. This is one of the reasons I unashamedly love Dave Grohl and his Foos.

 by Le Tigre, 2004

JD Samson, you have the best moustache any woman in music has ever sported.

Dani California 
by Red Hot Chili Peppers, 2006

I’m going to admit something here. There have been times when I have thought of Anthony Keidis as one of the sexiest men in music. Sometimes. Covered in silver paint in Give It Away, all pensive like in My Friends, some of your various sock incidents, even with the blonde hair and looking a little worn in Otherside; you’ve been a hot man at times Anthony, even with your long face. I’d have gone there. But the moustache? What? What are you doing with your life? I’m sorry, I just don’t get it. I don’t like it. I still like you, but that hairy upperlip has got to go or there’s no chance for us Anthony. I’m sorry.

Johnny Depp...
...anytime, ever.

So, he’s not technically a musician, but he does play instruments. So he’s probably not that good at them, but neither are you. What? It’s Johnny Depp ok, and he’s sported the hottest moustache ever known to humanity*** (***not an exaggeration, whatsoever, at all). Anyway, this is what I’m writing, if I want to include Johnny Depp, I will. You love it, deal with it. You don’t love it? You can stop reading now. You’re not welcome here. For those still reading, Johnny is friends with one of my favourite musicians, Eddie Vedder. This makes me happy. Sometimes they appear on stage together. This makes me happy. Sometimes, Johnny is sporting a moustache when he does this. Oh stop it. Life doesn’t get better than this. Enjoy.

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