Monday, 19 November 2012

Text Review - Harvest Festival 2012

Live from the Botanic Gardens, Brisbane - 18/11/2012.
Reviewed through the wonders of text messaging...

Ah, the one day music festival. A day chock full of rushing around to catch glimpses of your favourite acts, wasted time in toilet queues, wasted time in drink lines, sunshine, friends... it's pretty awesome. Did I say sunshine? Sorry, I meant rain and hail and getting kicked out of tents because of lightning strike fears and superstorm Shaz! That's what you would have copped today at the Harvest Festival. While Jo Michelmore was dancing in the rain and reviewing bands (and dodging ice bullets) with Cordell, Matt Long and Nayt (friends of It's My Kind of Scene), Matt Bond was sitting at home eating cakes and pie while sending Jo useless text after useless text. You now get to read about all this and more in the 2012 Harvest Festival text review. Because there's no better way to review something than by text. Enjoy.


Jo: Harvest review part one (from my bed): awoken by loud claps of thunder and heavy rain. This would normally be lovely. Today? Not so. Weather, you suck. Thoughts of where are my gumboots and where did I put my poncho? Actual thoughts of can I be bothered? Uuuuuurgghhhh. 

Matt: Did you see this superstorm is called Shaz? Only in Australia. 


Matt: Has Harvest kicked off yet?

Jo: Started at 11 but I'm just trying to convince myself to get ready now. Aiming to see Dandy's at 2. The weather is a little teeny bit clearer now, so to poncho or not to poncho, that is the question. 

Matt: To poncho. Stay dry. Fuck you Harvest! 

Jo: Wise you are. Poncho it is then. Fuck you Harvest! 


Jo: Hi from Harvest! Any textual grammar and spelling imperfections can be blamed on texting through a ziplock bag. Dexys: it's raining. You old. Dandys: its sunny. You old. (On a side note, CTT has lost weight and it doesn't look like a train wreck is going to happen. Both disappointing and impressive.)

Matt: Yell out I love Jim Jones and see if he has a meltdown. 


Jo: Silversun Pickups: wow, I didn't realise there was a Dandy Warhols not as good as the originals cover band in the lineup. Twice the Dandy! Maybe. Mike Pattons Mondo Cane: what a weird great weird slightly portly weird unattractive weird multi-linguist weird great probably talented man you are Mr Patton. You also managed to attract an audience containing bogans yelling Faith No More lyrics and others drinking Jamesons straight from the bottle. How interesting. Well done.


Jo: Cake: what do I say about a band that tells me to enjoy it cause they're probably never coming back again? Um, I say this... shut your cakehole and fuck off. It's indicative of your performance that all I can think about while you're playing are sweet treats. Maybe there's a bakery caravan here somewhere. The Black Angels: at every festival there's always a band that you accidentally stumble across and love. This is that band for me. Bluesy, rootsy, rock, goodness. Love. 

Matt: Hey I just ate cake! 

Matt: ...And pie. 


Jo: We were kicked out of a tent due to risk of lightning strikes. Its hailing on us. Its cold and Matt is getting molested by a fat NZ man in the happy high herbs tent. This is so bizarre. Help me. Help us somehow. The apocalypse has begun. 

Jo: This text review has taken a weird turn...

Matt: Sweet merciful Zeus. First things first; save Matt Long. If it's the end of the world, no one deserves to be going out whilst a fat new zealander molests them. Second, Beck isn't worth it. What? Sorry. Awkies. 

Jo: Beck can suck it! Matt is ok but the food vans have closed. Now we'll die of hunger while we wait for the next storm to roll through. Also, my arse is uncomfortably wet and cold. This is equally hilarious and crap.

Matt: It's making for a wonderful review though... ?


Jo: Storm: cold, heavy and electrifying, you demanded a lot from your audience, you left the crowd in fear and slightly bruised, but goddamn, you were more entertaining that a whole bunch of others in todays lineup. 


Jo: Ben Folds: if you organised that storm as a support act, it was one of the best I've seen, but you're alright too. I will admit I'm distracted by what came before you. Sorry! Your adoring audience loved you though! Beck: I was thinking Beck was a funny little guy, kinda like Prince, then he sang Raspberry Beret and things about devils and haircuts and nachos and I was happy and maybe also a little bit psychic. Then I danced. 


Jo: Grizzly Bear: neither grizzly nor bears, this is somewhat confusing. Is Santigold on yet?

Matt: Why were the dandy warhols on so early?

Jo: I don't know! They are old. Probably time for bed by now.


Jo: YES!!!! Santigold! Front row baby!!!!

Matt: Is anyone else still at the festival? I joke. I kid. Have an awesome time. 

Jo: No, duh, everyone left. It's just me, a weird guy in a spotty poncho and some weird skinny creep. Shut up! Santigold! Yay!

Matt: Why do you have to pick on Nayt and Matt all the time? I keep telling you, Matt is not creepy. And I bet Nayt looks quite fetching in a spotty poncho.  


Jo: Santigold: I got my ticket purely for this. It was worth every second, every hailstone, every single minute of waiting. Love love love. A-MA-ZING!!!!!! Was cut short because of the storm and was only 30 mins but the best 30 mins all day. Love. Love. Love. Happy face.

At this point, Matt is already in a pie-induced sleep coma. 


Jo: There you go! Another text review complete. Harvest! Hot, cold, sunny, rainy, hailstorm and hunger, bananas and bums and lots and lots and lots of music. Just another festival really, but most definitely fun. 

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