Wednesday, 14 November 2012

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - Mo, Mo, Mo, Mo

Only in Movember.

Mo, Mo, Mo, Mo
by Katie Langley

I moustache you a question – to mo, or not to mo?

I love this time of year. Love, love, love. The weather is warm, the birds are chirping, and the male population look a lot seedier than usual. Yes, it’s the magical time of year known as Movember. Some might say that it is rivalled only by Decembeard. These people might even go on to make mention of Fanuary, but not I. I wouldn’t be so crass. Ha.

People tend to feel strongly about moustaches and either fall into the love or hate camp. As an owner of moustache paraphernalia including t-shirts, cookie cutters, a calendar, jewellery, a mug and sunglasses (yes, with mo attached!) it’s fairly safe to say that I pledge allegiance to the mo.

Did you know that Lady Gaga is a lover of moustaches? She has paid tribute to them in the introduction to “Poker Face” where she can be heard saying “mo, mo, mo, mo”. Fact.


There are all kinds of moustaches (thanks to my calendar for the definitions) –

The au natural: The fool proof moustache that anyone can grow.
The handle bar: A hairy appendage of the upper lip with graspable extremities.
The toothbrush: A thick, coarse growth, centred on the upper lip and only an inch in width.
The parisienne: Carefully groomed twists of hair specially grown to suggest intelligence.
The magnum pi: A shaggy “v” shape mo that is easy to grow. Women find it irresistible.
The Englishman: The fool proof moustache that anyone can grow.
The big walrus: A bushy mess of low hanging hairs that are great for catching crumbs.
The horseshoe: A full moustache with good vertical extensions. Mainly worn by cowboys and bikers.
The old pencil: Two thin, feeble lines of hair that resemble an old grey lead pencil.
The lamp shade: A triangular shape of hair that exudes masculinity and confidence.

There are many musicians who are rockin’ (or who have rocked) the “womb broom”. Don’t you just love that slang term for the moustache? It makes me laugh and shudder at the same time.

1. Jonathan Davis from Korn. He’s got a mo, he’s got the life.  

2. Justin Timberlake is bringin’ sexy back with his mo. 

3. Marilyn Manson. He’s a star in the mo show.

4. Snoop Dogg. A moustache is the perfect accessory when sippin’ on gin and juice.

5. Ricky Martin. His mo bangs, it bangs.

6. Even the One Direction lads have tried to get involved. They don’t know their mo’s are beautiful. 

7. Apparently Slipknot are rockin’ mo’s under those masks. No moustaches = shit.

8. Akon. I’d like to smack that mo.

9. It took Craig David 7 days to grow this moustache.  

10. Brandon Boyd from Incubus. Whatever tomorrow brings… He’ll have his moustache.

Is the moustache magical? Does it have the ability create superstars? Is there musical talent hiding in those bristles? If we’re judging the above list then clearly the answer is no. However, what the moustache does command is respect. You give a moustache attention. When a moustached Craig David looks into your eyes and asks “What’s your flava? Tell me, what’s your flava?” you answer “mo-chachino”.

I’d like to leave you with a thought. Puff Daddy, P.Diddy, whatever he’s going by these days… Anyway, that guy once said that mo money equals mo problems. Let me put it to you that mo mo’s equals mo fun.

After all, is a moustache ride anything less?

P.S. An extra special K-Tizzle Sizzle (ssssss) goes to It’s My Kind Of Scene’s favourite moustached reader – Texas Tea’s very own Glen Russell. All hail the mo.

Glen Russell: Moustache of the Year, 2012.

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