Monday, 31 December 2012

The 2012 Anti-Scene Awards



Because for every action there is a reaction (or something), it only seems right to take a breather from celebrating the awesome and remind us that just like every year, 2012 wasn't all sunshine and roses. Later today we'll be handing out our final Scene Award of the year, Album of the Year! For now, let's get all snobby and address music's biggest dumps of 2012.


WORST COLLABORATION OF THE YEAR:


AHHHH!

BIGGEST LOSER: WILL.I.AM and BRITNEY SPEARS - SCREAM AND SHOUT
Just As Shit: Will.I.Am ft. Jennifer Lopez and Mick Jagger - THE (The Hardest Ever)




Will.I.Am's never-ending crusade to murder taste and trick the world into thinking he has worth as a solo artist continued this year. To the shock and horror of absolutely no one, he still manages to suck and blow harder than anyone else. Maybe that's why he's selling himself as 'The Hardest Ever.' His greatest crime in 2012 was destroying Britney's semi-decent post-breakdown run with the steaming pile of crap that is 'Scream and Shout.' You will scream. You will shout. You will want to pour Drano down your ears. If you think it can only get better from here, think again. The Black Eyed Peas head back to the studio in 2013. Live in fear. 


WORST AUSTRALIAN ARTIST:


AHHH!

BIGGEST LOSER: REECE MASTIN
Just As Shit: Justice Crew




As offensive as songs like 'Rock Star,' 'Shut Up And Kiss Me' and 'Shout It Out' were, it was Mastin's version of 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' destroying my love for what's meant to be THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR (!) that earns him the nod here. And Reece, please don't mention someone of Eddie Vedder's caliber in your songs. I know, he's awesome. You... you are not. 


WORST MUSIC VIDEO:


AHHH!

BIGGEST LOSER: NICKELBACK - TRYING NOT TO LOVE ME
Just As Shit: Christina Aguilera - Your Body




While there's still hope for Xtina, Nickelback are just too far gone. What am I talking about? They always sucked this bad. The video for 'Trying Not To Love Me' has old mate George creeping on a younger hottie and then things get extra lame when there's a fight for said hottie between George and his equally unattractive, slightly more Italian looking twin. Who wins the girl? Whoever makes the best coffee. Fuck that.


WORST MALE ARTIST:


AHHH!

BIGGEST LOSER: CHRIS BROWN
Just As Shit: N/A


You'll always be the biggest loser to me, Chris. No one else is at his level of shitness.


WORST FEMALE ARTIST
WORST LIVE PERFORMER
WORST ALBUM OF THE YEAR
LOSER OF THE YEAR: 


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

BIGGEST LOSER: MADONNA - MDNA 




Hey, Madonna... we're still fighting. Your album was the biggest disappointment of the year, your inability to remove yourself from that post 2000s mid-life crisis has gone way beyond boring and your mission to piss off the remaining Australian fans you have is a joke. And no one wants to see your nipples. You old now. Accept it.         

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