|Starships were meant to flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! AGHHHHHHHH!!!|
Stuck on Repeat
by Jo Michelmore
Recently I had the pleasure of hearing Matt’s rendition of Starships by Nicki Minaj, sung in various keys and ways, over lunch. I don’t know why he was singing it (it’s best not to question these things), he just was. The thing is, after not too long, I was also singing it, in my head, which I continued to do for many, many hours afterward. I listened to all sorts of things to try and stop it, a strange mix of music including Amanda Palmer, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Muse, Kanye West, Patsy Cline, Daft Punk, Jack White, Stevie Wonder, I even tried a Rihanna song(!) but to no avail. I was still singing ol’ Nicki hours later. Damn you Matt! Damn you Minaj! It got me thinking about how some songs just get stuck, no matter what you do, they just need to play their natural course in your brain until suddenly you realise you’re not singing it anymore, then you remember it again and the whole nasty cycle starts again. They call it an earworm. I don’t care what it’s called; it’s simultaneously great and incredibly infuriating. I’ve decided the best way of getting rid of the earworm that Minaj has become is like getting rid of a cold, you give it to someone else. Either that or you get another song stuck in your head. I’m happy with either option at the moment, just get out Nicki! Get out! “Starships were meant to fly—yyyy-yyyy-yyyy……”
Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini (196)
by Bryan Hyland
There’s something really, really creepy about this song. A girl, wearing a bikini, too afraid to go to the beach in the first place because of her swimsuit (or rather lack of it), then once she gets to the beach she hides under a towel because of her swimsuit (or rather, lack of it), then when she finally goes swimming, she’s afraid to come out of the water because of her swimsuit (or rather, lack of it). Why is she afraid? Because there’s some creepy old guy staring at her the whole time! Some creepy old guy staring at her and saying in a creepy voice “it was an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini”. Who says that? Only a CREEPY OLD GUY would say that!!!! Some creepy old guy, his whole band and some weird girl saying at regular intervals; “Two, three, four, tell the people, what she wore”. No wonder she was terrified! You know what the worst part about this song is though? That creepy old guy’s voice, stuck in your head, for hours on end saying that horrible collection of words “she wore a itsy, bitsy……” Uuuuuuurgh. Stuck AND creepy. Worst combination, ever.
Stayin' Alive (1977)
by The Bee Gees
See, disco is a problem. It’s a problem because so much of it is so damn catchy. It’s like a horrible virus, it just hangs around, innocently, you barely notice it’s there then suddenly, its days later and without warning you don’t feel so well because you’ve been singing “burn baby burn” for an eternity and can’t even remember where you heard it. That’s disco. You know who were the ultimate with the disco earworm? The Bee Gees. They were the creators of numerous earworms, but I decided this one was a total epidemic of disco virus. Once you hear that falsetto of Barry you’re in for a treat. One of two things is going to happen. It’ll be “stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive” or it will be “ah, ha, ha, ha”. It’s going to go around and around and around in your pretty little head for what seems like for-ev-er. Whichever happens, just make sure when you get to the “stayin ali-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-vvvve” bit, you commit to that note. That’s the pinnacle of disco fever, right there.
Don't Worry, Be Happy (1988)
by Bobby McFerrin
I’m not worried, I’m not happy. I’m just incredibly annoyed, ok? This song will do that to you. You think it’s kind of cute, maybe a little sweet, but this song will completely and totally send you crazy. There aren’t even any instruments in this song. This is all voice. Incredibly annoying, catchy, catchy voice. Stop it Bobby. Stop telling me what to do. Don’t tell me how to live my life. Just get out of my head. I told you. I’m not worried. Not happy. Just annoyed.
I'm Too Sexy (1991)
by Right Said Fred
The thing about this song is that most people are not too sexy for their car, their hat, their cat, New York, Milan or Japan, let alone their shirt. Even Right Said Fred weren’t too sexy for any of those things. That doesn’t seem to stop the refrain “I’m so sexy for this shirt, so sexy it hurts” getting stuck in one’s brain though. You know what’s not sexy? Getting this goddamn song stuck in your head for days and days and days and days and days and days on end. That’s not sexy at all. Aaaaaaaaaagggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Who Let The Dogs Out? (2000)
by Baha Men
Who did let the dogs out? I guess one will never know, because someone somewhere has probably done some physical harm to whoever wrote this song. I think there’s possibly a verse or two in between all the irritating “who, who, who, who”, but has anyone ever heard any of them? Everyone’s so busy waiting for the next opportunity to yell that noise at the top of their lungs no one cares about Gruffy or Scruffy or any flea infested mongrel (actual lyric!). I know kids loved this song, I suppose because they got the opportunity to bark like dogs for four minutes or so and not get in trouble for it, but adults? There is no excuse for any adult to be continuously saying “who who who who” for hours after hearing this song. Did you hear me? No excuse. You’re singing it now and you haven’t even pressed play, have you? Damn you earworms. Damn you eardogs. Damn you Baha Men.
…and for something different, the future vintage pick:
by Nicki Minaj
Go on, listen to it, I dare you. You know you want to. Just so you can prove to yourself that it won’t get stuck in YOUR head. Go on. Press play. Do it. It won’t hurt you. Or will it? Take a chance. Listen. You’ll love it. Everyone loves it. It’s Nicki Minaj, she can’t hurt you. Can she? Oh, there it is…..”Starships were meant to flyyyyyyy, hands up and touch the skyyyyyyyy…..”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN YOU MINAJ!