The Best and Worst of the ARIA Awards
by Jo Michelmore
If you do happen to watch the ARIA’s, you’re going to witness all sorts of under-dressed musicians (probably intoxicated) and a lot of awkward speeches, international ‘celebrities’ that have nothing to do with the Australian music industry and a bunch of old people that you won’t know, clapping for artists they’ve never heard of. I know this first hand. Yes it’s true, I myself have attended an awards ceremony, the ARIA’s poor cousin, the Australian Music Awards (no longer in existence), when I was a wee child, many years ago, a lot shorter and somewhat less fashionable than I am now (thank you to my parents for being so cool and taking me to a music awards show. Yep, it’s true, my parents rule.) I don’t actually remember a lot, except that it was full of annoying pauses, being told when to applaud and a lot of boredom. I don’t suppose the ARIA’s are much different.
It kind of upsets me that the ARIA’s are a bit of a joke. I mean, they’re Australia’s music industry night of nights, but they just end up being an embarrassment; to everyone. On the bright side, they were responsible for one of my favourite live TV moments ever, that infamous moment when Jessica Mauboy presented an award to Tame Impala for their ‘dee-but’ album in 2010. Then she said it twice. Brilliant. (It’s ok Jessica; I still like you, probably more after that.) One day I shall attend an ARIA ceremony and I shall be better dressed than the majority of those that liked to be called ‘celebrities’ and I shall also probably be more deserving of an award than most of the people who win. I shall drink some colourful beverages and I shall find Tim Rogers (who will be attending because he will still be as self-important as ever, years from now) and I shall slap him. It will be a good day. Until then, let’s look at when the ARIA awards have got it so right and then sometimes, so wrong….
Let’s start with one of the most well-known and probably one of the best. Kylie. What is there to say about her that hasn’t already been said? This year marks her 25th year in the music industry and in that 25 years she’s managed to win three Brit awards, a Grammy, a whole bunch of MTV awards, she even won a couple of Logies and of course, sixteen ARIA’s so far, as well as being inducted into the ARIA Hall Of Fame, whatever that means. OK, I’ll admit it; every now and then the ARIA’s get it right.
Yes, well, Kylie has this sister you see. She’s won some awards too. Like, the Glamour Award in 2007 (what?), a Smash Hits Award in 1991 (Smash who?) and the Number One Celeb Of The Year Award in 2008 (who votes and presents this award remains a mystery. Dannii herself, perhaps?) Dannii hasn’t even won a Logie, let alone an ARIA and rightly so. Congratulations ARIA’s, another time where you got it right. After all, there’s a reason Dannii is our ‘one head’ for some of our reviews. Among other atrocities, she was responsible for ‘This Is