Thursday, 10 January 2013

It's All Coming Back To Me Now - Hold Me In Your Arms, Don't Let Me Go...

For every Kylie, there is a Dannii. How appropriate are the gold and silver outfits? Very.

Hold Me In Your Arms, Don't Let Me Go...
A love letter to the Australian soapie pop star
by Jo Michelmore

was sitting on the beach the other day. Sun, surf, sand; yes, it was lovely, thank you. What’s that got to do with vintage music you say? While I was there, my friends and I got talking about the beach town of Summer Bay. You know, that little place where Alf Stewart reigns supreme. Yes, I’m talking Home And Away. Of course, this meant we entertained our fellow beach goers with a sweet rendition of the Home And Away theme song; “hold me in your arms….”, but that’s a whole other story. Anyway, this got me thinking about soaps and their many pop stars, which in turn, leads me to this week’s post. I’m not talking Kylie Minogue. I’m not talking Delta Goodrem. I’m not even talking Natalie Bassingthwaighte, or Imbruglia. Let’s talk my favourite type of soap singers and since so many Australian soaps involve schools and school age characters, let’s give a little report card and grade each one as we go. My grading system? The worse the better. Beginning with one of the worst, or is that best?

Stefan Dennis
'Don’t It Make You Feel Good' (1989)

Soap: Neighbours Character: Paul Robinson

Best lyric: “Nothing else matters, it’s true, you loving me and me loving you”. A rhyme that lyricists the world over wish they’d written. Brilliant.

Best scene: 1:06 – 1:10 and 1:37-1:42, involving silhouettes pushing walls. I don’t know, I don’t get it either.

Australian chart position: non-existent. UK chart position: 16
So Bad It’s Good Rating: 4/5

The Twins (Gayle and Gillian Blakeney)
'All Mixed Up' (1991)

Soap: Neighbours Character(s): Caroline and Christina Alessi

Best lyric: “whatever the decision, we won’t make a fuss” Well, that’s a lie isn’t it? One of you is going to be upset and someone’s going to make a fuss. Fuss; what a terrible word. Say it again; fuss. Uuuuurgggh. Anyway, I digress…

Best scene: 0:27 - 0:28, involving an incredibly forced and awkward and very quick shoulder shrug. That guy must be an acting school dropout. Or a Neighbours extra. Or both.

Australian chart position: 74
So bad it’s good rating: 4.5/5


Melissa Tkautz
'Read My Lips' (1991)

Soap: E-Street Character: Nikki Spencer

Best lyric: “If you want to wait ‘til later, hands off my detonator” My hands are no where near your detonator, Melissa, whatever that is, but that rhyme is just genius.

Best scene: 1:52-1:57, involving unexplained blue and yellow paint and probably the best and most wooden performance in a clip I can ever remember seeing. The. Best.

Australian chart position: 1
So bad its good rating: 5/5

Toni Pearen
'In Your Room' (1992)

Soap: E-Street Character: Toni Windsor

Best lyric: “I want to walk into your room and try on all your clothes”. What? Creepy much?

Best scene: 2:53 – 3:08, involving a wind machine and interpretive dancing. Who doesn’t love interpretive dancing?

Australian chart position: 10
So bad its good rating: 4/5

Holly Valance
'Kiss Kiss' (2002)

Soap: Neighbours Character: Flick Scully

Best lyric: “When I look at you I wannabe somewhere close to heaven with Neanderthal man”. Um, sorry, with who, what?

Best scene: 1:24 – 1:28, involving a creepy guy without a beanie and whole bunch of others with beanies. So I like the one without a beanie, what of it?

Australian chart position: 1
So bad its good rating: 5/5

Bec Cartwright
'All Seats Taken' (2002)

Soap: Home And Away Character: Hayley Smith Lawson

Best lyric: “I skip my entrĂ©e and stick to table water; I got my main course for dessert”. Soap lyrics just make no sense, do they?

Best scene: 1:17 – 1:35, involving an awful sheer costume and Bec awkwardly posing against shelves full of roller skates. So bad, so good.

Australian chart position: 10
So bad its good rating: 4/5

1 comment:

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