Thursday, 17 January 2013

It's All Coming Back To Me Now - I'm Gonna Write What I Want You To Do To Me In A Letter

A Love Letter To Michael Hutchence
By Jo Michelmore

While having lunch with a friend and person of exceptional taste the other day, we got to talking about celebrities and their ages, which led to a good game of ‘how old is….?’ in which we learnt that Robert Smith is 53 , Bono is 52 and Nicki Minaj is 51, no wait….30 years old. Eventually this turned into how old would (insert name here) have been had they not tragically left this mortal coil so young. Of course, one can’t talk rock and tragic death and not mention one of my (and my friend’s) personal faves; Michael Hutchence. We both agreed there was just that something about him, just, that rock thing that can’t be explained, some people have just got it. Even with that horrible wavy hair, Michael oozed attractiveness, didn’t he? So this week, just to be completely self-indulgent and so my friend and I get to watch Michael Hutchence clips again and again, I’m going to pose some questions about who I am this week declaring Australia’s hottest man of rock; Mr Michael Hutchence. 

Original Sin  (1983)   

What makes him hot? The baby faced Michael, not even knowing how hot he was. There’s nothing hotter than someone who doesn’t even know it. I’m declaring that, right here, right now, across the board. It’s true. Watch him, 1:12 to 1:20, awkwardly dancing in an oversized jacket and a curly mullet. So. Cute.  

The hottest bit? 2:29. You’re not looking at any of the others, are you? 

Four Hutchence heads out of five.

Never Tear Us Apart  (1987)

What makes him hot? It’s that old adage, you know, it’s what you don’t show that’s the hottest. Michael all rugged up, overcoat and scarf, arms crossed, it’s the mystery and the shyness that’s the best.  

The hottest bit? 2:53 – 3:00. The walk. You don’t even see his face, it’s just the walk. The swagger. The determination in each step. Then that bit at 3:10 where he meets that girl that kind of looks like himself. It’s weird and it’s hot. That and the lyric “'cause we all have wings but some of us don't know whyyyyyyyyy…..”

Four Hutchence heads out of five.

Need You Tonight (1987)

What makes him hot? The fact that he’s surrounded by the rest of the band. It’s not hard to be hot around them. Please note the mullet at 1:07, the tongue poked out at 1:15 and the awkward air drumming and unnecessary cheesy grin at 1:58. 

The hottest bit? Right at the start, 14 seconds in. It’s not Michael whispering “come over here”, it’s his left eyebrow raising that tiny, tiny little bit. That’s the bit. Watch it again. 

Five Hutchence heads out of five.

By My Side (1991)

What makes him hot? Some people belong on a stage. Michael Hutchence was one of those people. This is the place he looked the most comfortable, the place that looked like home and the place he needed to be. I saw him play live once and although I don’t remember a lot, I do remember being mesmerised. What made him hot? The stage made him hot. 

The hottest part? The start, where Michael pulls the microphone stand up with his foot and says “no waving, no cigarette lighters please” with his pseudo international accent. That’s where it begins; I can’t even talk about it. The thirty seconds between 1:30 and 2:00. The arm in the air, hand behind his head, embracing the microphone, then, wiping the sweat from his face and pulling his own shirt from around his neck. I can’t even talk about it. 2:19, where he throws his arms out and himself backward after singing “by my side”. I can’t even talk about it.  That bit at 3:03 where he sings “I wish you were….” while caressing the microphone. I can’t even talk about it. Just watch it. Watch it all. 

Hotness rating: Five Hutchence heads out five. Watch it again. Now. You know you want to.

Elegantly Wasted (1997)

What makes him hot? Right, I’m going to declare something else here. There is nothing hotter than a man who can wear eyeliner successfully. In my world, that’s the facts. What of it? Michael Hutchence, eyeliner successfully worn. 

The hottest part? The gloves, the check pants, the writhing around on the floor, the lyric “I’m elegantly wasted” (what a fabulous collection of words), the eyeliner. Oh stop it. I need a minute, alright? 

Hotness rating: Five Michael Hutchence heads out of five.

By the way, Michael Hutchence would have been 53 this month. Five heads out of five for living the ultimate rock star lifestyle Mr Hutchence. Sigh. Happy Birthday Michael….and RIP.

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