Wednesday, 20 February 2013

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - Awkward Encounters Of The Celebrity Kind

Vengaboys....awkward encounter? Never.....

by Katie Langley 

We all like to think that we're smooth operators and that if we met a "celebrity" (I use that term loosely) we'd keep our cool. I mean, they're people too, right? They’re just like you and me. They laugh, they cry, they eat KFC and immediately regret it. See, that's what I truly believe, and yet when faced with these situations I become an awkward, bumbling idiot.

Awkward encounter with The Offspring

The Offspring. Not known for their spelling skills.

During The Offspring's "Pretty Fly For a White Guy" fame, I secured a ticket to their show. Yes! My friends’ father worked at the venue and was able to get us backstage. Double yes! I was a little disappointed by the lack of hookers and blow and slunk into a seat feeling disappointed. Wait, that's a blatant lie. I was 13 and so nervous about being there I could barely breathe.  


I was hoping my dorky friends and I would go relatively unnoticed, but we stuck out like sore thumbs in amongst a fairly punk crowd. My friend was wearing a ridiculous fisherman hat, and the guys from American punk band Guttermouth took great delight in screaming "Hey Gilligan!" across the room. Cringe.

As I sat there hoping that the ground would open up and swallow me we spotted Dexter and Noodles and made our way over to get our tickets signed. I managed to squeak out my request, and the guys were very obliging. Although, Dexter had to ask about 4 times what my name was. “Errrr, Katie. K. A. T. I. E”.

It was all very awkward, but I ran away, signed ticket stub in hand, feeling victorious. My Dad, bless him, thought he'd surprise me by getting my prized possession laminated. Lovely, right? Unfortunately the laminating machine set off a magnetic strip in the ticket and it turned black. Pitch black. Now the only way I can see those signatures is if I hold the ticket in just the right light.

The infamous autographs of Dexter and Noo(peace sign)odes
Spelling is not The Offsrping's forte.

Awkward encounter with the Vengaboys

That's K-Tizz and friends. Some wearing sequins, some not.
One of the greatest moments of 2012 (and maybe even my life - shut up) was riding the Vengabus. The combination of drag queens, inflated condoms, offensively loud Vengaboys music and a shiteload of alcohol made for a hilarious "VIP" experience.

Being a VIP also meant meeting the Vengaboys before their show for a "professional" (read: iPhone) photo. Winning!

I'm not going to lie, in the lead up I did do some Googling to try and memorise who was who. This research, however, completely left my mind when we got backstage. As we were ushered through the door I remember thinking "I'm drunk. I'm too drunk for this. Shit, what are their names?".

It soon became apparent that a simple “hello, how are you?” would have to do as I made my way down the line desperately trying to rack my brain for their names. Susan? Barry? George? Ronan? Delta? Nope. Nothing.

I made it through the awkward handshake experience, stifling my need to laugh in their faces, only to then nearly stumble out onto the stage. Uh oh drunk Katie! 


Awkward encounter with Mudvayne

Mudvayne. Their shoelaces are tied.

At a Big Day Out many years ago, I spied Mudvayne’s lead man, Chad, in the crowd. I did a few double takes before convincing myself that it really was him, and it was good idea to go and say hello. “Do it. What have you got to lose?” I began telling myself. I started striding over, feeling confident… that was until I stumbled on my own feet (as you do) and landed right on his foot. There was an awkward mumbled apology, a hand shake, and a very quick exit! What can I say? All that face paint made me nervous. And maybe my shoelace was undone. 


Awkward encounter with System of a Down

Slipknot. Is the bald one Shavo?

Back in the day when Skinny's was the place to be in Brisbane and in-store signings were all the rage, I waited in a long arse line to see System of a Down. Seriously, it was 4 hours long! 4 hours of waiting only to be greeted by the most unenthusiastic faces you've ever seen. Yes, it'd been 4 hours for them too, and sure their hands were sore, but shit, so were my feet and bladder! The only guy who seemed to fain any sort of interest was bass player Shavo. By the end of it all I was just hungry, busting for a pee, and vowing I'd never do that again. And I haven’t.


There are some lessons you should take away from my awkward encounters: 

- Fisherman hats are not cool. Unless you're actually fishing in which case they are a perfectly sensible sun safe solution. 
- Be careful laminating tickets. Consider more permanent options such as tattooing. I'm sure I wouldn't regret "Hey Katie! Dexter Holland" on my boobs 15 years on. Ha!
- When the Vengabus stops in your town, ride it!
- Ensure that your shoelaces are tied. Bunny ears, people!
- Bring snacks, a portable chair and wear a daiper to any meet 'n' greet opportunity.

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