Wednesday, 27 February 2013

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - Dad, Meet My New Boyfriend

That's Rod Stewart, not Papa K-Tizz..

My Dad Is A Pretty Cool Guy
by Katie Langley 


My Dad is a pretty cool guy. When I decided I wanted to try the goth thing, he bought me a studded collar for my neck (stop laughing). When I wanted blue Doc Martens, he took me to buy them. When I wanted to go to heavy metal shows, Dad would drive me. Hell, when I started going a bit white girl gangsta Dad would rap along to Eminem with me.

What I'm trying to say is, he's not phased easily. He rolls with whatever whacky ideas I come up. And that's what I love about him. He accepts me for me, kookiness and all. But I have started to wonder... Can he be rattled?

This is the one I call musicians I would date to freak out my Dad.

Dad, have you met... Jimmy Urine?

This guy's name is Jimmy Urine. Enough said.

Looks can be deceiving. Sure, Mindless Self Indulgence's front man likes to wear shiny pants and fishnet stockings on his arms... However, there are no obvious tattoos or piercings. I would imagine that the mere thought that I may one day become Katie Urine should raise at least the one eyebrow. That and the guy is a wanker.

Dad, have you met… Rod Stewart?

Rod. Smooth suit, dude.

Given that Dad is a fan of Rod Stewart, this would completely and utterly mind freak him, in the best possible way. I can only imagine that we would be encouraged to create little gravel voiced, big haired grand-children.


Dad, have you met... Justin Bieber?

Justin Beiber. Stop doing that to your hair all the time. Katie's Dad won't like it.

Bringing Justin over for a Sunday roast would no doubt come as a surprise given that I've never really been interested in clean cut guys. Or children.

Dad, have you met... Lil Jon?

Crunk isn't dead, apparentley. Tell Mr. K-Tizz that, Lil Jon...

I imagine the conversation would go something like this...

Dad: Would you like some more potatoes?

Lil Jon: YEAH!

Dad: And what about some more gravy?

Lil Jon: WHAT!

Dad: Gravy! Want any more?

Lil Jon: OKAY!

On second thoughts, maybe Dad wouldn't be too surprised if I started wearing grillz and encouraging the family to get crunk. In fact, it may only improve some family get-togethers. 

Dad, have you met... Insane Clown Posse?

They may look tough, but they're probably scared of Daddy K-Tizz. .

Let’s be honest, bringing home either one of these clowns would do bad things for my Dad’s blood pressure. Not only is there the freaky face paint, but Juggalo’s (Insane Clown Posse’s fan base) have been classified by the FBI as a gang.

It would take more than a few tattoos or piercings to sufficiently concern my Dad. If you have any links to any of the above musicians, or know anyone who might fit into those categories, please let them know they’re invited to a Sunday roast.

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