Thursday, 14 March 2013

It's All Coming Back To Me Now - Ugh VS Shamon

 Prince apparently says "ugh" a lot. Michael said "shamon" a lot. No wonder they were rivals.

Ugh Vs Shamon
by Jo Michelmore

Ah, rivals. We've all got one, or at least had one at some stage in our lives. If you haven't, you need to work on that, you haven't lived. Me? I've had numerous, but I kind of like it that way. Who doesn't love a good enemy? I've got one at work, one at the gym, one in my street, one at the supermarket; they're everywhere. Ok, maybe some of these are rivals only in my mind, but that's not the point. The point is; healthy rivalry is good. Some of the best rivals have been in my favourite place in the world. The world of pop music. If we're looking at 80's vintage rivals, the question is; who wins?

Michael Jackson VS Prince

Well, I was going to say Prince wins this one, because, well, you know, he might be shorter but he's still alive. That is until I remembered Prince's detest of the internet and the youtubes and it being hard to find any genuine Prince clips on the youtubes. Therefore, Michael wins from the grave, because even dead, he's not afraid of the technology.

Michael gave us the moonwalk and this...


While the 'little purple dude' makes you type "performed by the little purple dude who...etc". to find any cool clips, like this one. Uuurrrrrgh, Prince, keep up.


WINNER: Michael Jackson.

Madonna VS Cyndi Lauper

Ok, Madonna's had a lot of rivals, but since this is vintage time, let's look at the first and my favourite. Why? 'Cause Cyndi was so freakin' cute, who would ever have guessed Madonna was going to have that thirteen year run of awesomeness between like, '89 and '03 and turn out to be.....Madonna?

So while Cyndi gave us a weird wardrobe and even weirder vocal...


Madonna gave us a weird wardrobe and a whole bunch let me say, awesome, songs like this...


WINNER: Madonna

Whitney Houston VS Mariah Carey

Well, look; like MJ v Prince, I was going to say Mariah wins automatically, because, you know, poor Whitney, but then I started listening to MS Houston and got goosebumps when I remembered just how much she nailed those notes, which Mariah hasn't always done.

So while Whitney nailed songs like this, slightly more successfully than I do at karaoke...


Mariah blessed our ears with things like this...


....ok, that's not Mariah...I just couldn't resist the opportunity to watch Tuts again. Mariah does stuff like this....


WINNER: Whitney Houston

Tiffany VS Debbie Gibson

Which brings us, of course, to one of the greatest and mostly forgotten rivalries of the 80's. Debbie Gibson v Tiffany. The funniest part about that? Who knows who either of them are anymore anyway? They were both the definition of crap girly pop for a couple of years there, and crap girly pop should be celebrated as often as possible.

So, while Debbie Gibson awkwardly wore denim and danced like this...

Tiffany, equally awkwardly, did this...

WINNER: Um, who cares? Oh ok, Tiffany. Debbie. Whatever. I'm over rivalry. Can't we all be friends?

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