Wednesday, 3 April 2013

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - Tough C's

K-Tizzle does not respond kindly to threats...

by Katie Langley

There’s something I’ve never been good at - the ‘poker face’. If you want to know how I feel, all you need to do is look at me. The truth is written all over my face. Makes things simple when dealing with people, right? Well, not always…

I typically head home on a train after 5pm with all of the other office zombies, however, last week I found myself heading home at midday. I’m used to my routine and the unspoken train etiquette – sit down, shut the hell up, and whatever you do, don’t make eye contact. But the midday train is different - different people, different vibe.

I had the absolute pleasure and delight of sitting near a woman who spent 5 minutes screaming into the phone “f$k you Daniel, you fu#$king c$%t”. It had me in a fit of giggles. I desperately looked out the window for something to distract me. Clouds. Trees. Graffiti. I then scanned the eyes of my fellow passengers, with one man giving me the “I know, can you believe this?” look. The giggles slowly subsided, and just in time as the woman exits the train. I breathe a sigh of relief until I hear a male voice behind me “Nah mate, I’m not gonna make it hey. I’m going to court that day and will probably be going to jail hey. Grievous bodily harm on a cop hey”. Some people might hear this and move. Me? I laughed. Oh how I laughed. However, it soon dawns on me that maybe laughing is not the best course of action because if this tough c has bopped a cop then he won’t hesitate to smack me up. I physically hold my mouth shut with my hands the whole way home.
What is it with these tough c’s thinking they’re so big and bad? And it’s not just on the train. They’re everywhere! Too many tough c’s, so little time…

Boom Boom
by Justice Crew


I don’t care how many baseball caps and gold chains you wear Justice Crew. You’re doing sprinkler dance moves. Tough factor is nill.

Beauty and a Beat
by Justin Bieber


Justin Bieber is only a few weeks away from a DUI or some kind of drug scandal. And doesn’t he think he’s the man? I can’t help but look at his tiny little arms and smile. I would eat you alive, boy.

I Love Dem Stippers
by 2 Chainz

So, apparently you’re not tough unless you wear two gold chains at once… And piss all over the English language. 2 Chainz, I luv dem strippers too.

Jenny From the Block
by Jennifer Lopez


Jennifer Lopez, the only block you’ve been near is block of chocolate. Unless when you say “rocks” you mean cocaine (“Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got, I’m still Jenny from the block”).

Started From The Bottom
by Drake


Oh Drake, you’re so tough, dancing around in the snow without a scarf or beanie on. Aren’t you worried about frostbite? I guess the fear of Chris Brown punching you in the face keeps you warm.
Look here, I’m by no means suggesting that we should confront all tough c’s head on. In fact, that would be stupid. But instead of putting these idiots up on a pedestal, let’s have a little giggle. And if you do happen to find yourself on a midday train make sure you have dark sunglasses and your iPod cranked up high.

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