Wednesday, 5 June 2013

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - It's Wednesday and I'm in Lust...

It's Wednesday and I'm in Lust:
The Perv Edition
by Katie Langley

I’d like to preface what I’m about to write by admitting that I’ve been single a long time.

I’m a pervert, a big pervert. There’s a direct correlation between my single status and sleazy ways. I’ve started developing weird and wonderful crushes on D-grade celebrities (Adam from Man v. Food), sweaty men at the gym, dreamboats at work and dudes on the train. In fact, just the other night I dreamt that “train hunk” (yes, that’s what I call him) was crushing on me too. It was all rather beautiful until my dream self-remembered one important thing – someone liked him enough to put a ring on it. Why is my dream self so moral? Why couldn’t we have had a little hanky panky? I woke up feeling unsatisfied and disappointed - exactly how I feel every day on the train when I see that wedding ring.

What I’ve come to realise is that all of these men are vastly different from each other. I thought my type was rugged and bearded, but now I’m not so sure.

I’m stooping to new lows this week so I can indulge my inner creep. For me, there’s nothing sexier than a man who can sing. Let’s take a look at some of my favourite male musicians, past and present.

Chino Moreno (Deftones)

Whilst not conventionally good looking, Chino’s voice tugs at my heart strings. His weight has fluctuated over the years but my love for him has been unwavering.

Michael Hutchence (INXS)

What. A. Babe. He’s got those dreamy eyes, and gorgeous curls. I need you tonight, Michael.

Trevor Friedrich (Combichrist)

I fell in lust with Trevor when I saw Combichrist play at the HiFi last year. He climbed all over that drum kit like he was Spiderman. I want him to climb all over me.

Brandon Boyd (Incubus)

Whatever tomorrow brings, I hope it’s Brandon Boyd in my bed.

Eyþór Ingi Gunnlaugsson

I introduced you all to this Nordic God last week. He was Iceland’s recent representative at Eurovision. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again - I’d like to take a nice long bubble bath with that blonde tousling mane.

Vince Vaughn

Did you know that Vince sang on the 2010 charity single re-make for “We Are the World”? You do now. This qualifies him to be on my list.

Lenny Kravitz

Dreadlocked Lenny is my favourite. I once had a dream that a beautiful dreadlocked man massaged me with oil while I laid on a deck chair on the beach. Bob Marley’s “Is This Love” was the soundtrack. I can’t be certain, but I think the masseuse was Mr Kravitz.


  1. Oh dear lord I've never seen THAT photo of Lenny before...thank you!

  2. Michael H is the only constant member of my Holy Trinity: the others come and go, but he is always number 1.


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