Saturday, 24 August 2013

The Candy Shop #17

Supermodel Dysmorphia (It's Real, Guarantee)
by Nayt Housman

When people ask me about the ‘90s and what influence it had on me there’s usually one word that would come to mind first, “Supermodel”. Let’s face it; I was an awkward kid/teen in this decade of glamazons and when I didn’t feel so glamorous myself I escaped into their world. I was (if you ask me) most like Linda Evangelista and would spend hours looking at photos of her and pretending to be her and when I think about it, her ability to morph her image for which she was dubbed “The Chameleon” still has influence on me now.

These bitches were fierce! They had attitude, everyone wanted to be them, be with them or know them and many obsessed over them. I would draw them, imagine them as my best friends and secretly dress up like them, pretending to be them, while posing in the mirror. I would even edit photos of myself to look like them. Crackers? I doubt it…

Sure a psychologist would probably have a field day going through my case file and hopefully I’d be diagnosed with “Supermodel dysmorphia” (it’s real I guarantee) but I knew I was as fabulous and fierce, I just needed someone to discover me so I wouldn’t have to get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day.

Wicked Game by Chris Isaak
featuring Helena Christensen


Another musician introduced to me by my father, Wicked Game was released in ’89 but didn’t become a hit until its feature in some movie in ’90. It featured a young and topless Helena Christensen frolicking on the beach with Chris while he manhandled her and groped her neck with his lips (lucky girl). 

Freedom '90 by George Michael 
featuring Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, Christy Turlington, Tatjana Patitz, and Cindy Crawford and some hot no-name male models.

Oh George did you think you were kidding us? You were lusting after the male models while gushing over how pretty the girls are and how much you wanted to wear their outfits. I’m not judging. I feel the same way…

Too Funky by George Michael 
featuring Linda Evangelista, Nadja Auermann, Tyra Banks and others that don’t matter.

When you’re onto something good, keep the ball rolling. George was obviously as obsessed with Supermodels as I was it’s just that he had the cash to splash and the celebrity status to make them his best friends. Kudos to you George… kudos… you jerk. One day Linda will know me.

I’m Not Perfect (But I’m Perfect For You) by Grace Jones  
featuring Grace Jones and Andy Warhol. 

Now this fox knows what she got. I know her heyday was during the 80’s mostly but I wasn’t aware of her until the ‘90s. Grace features probably one of my fave ever models in almost all her music clips, HERSELF! Grace Jones don’t need no models because she can get pop culture icons to appear in her video’s because, well, she is one herself. “Oh hi there Andy Warhol.”

Grace my Queen, I am forever in your debt because you said, “Fuck you!” to the world and became famous along the way. Gushhhh.

Although many musicians are still featuring models in their video clips these days it rarely has the impact it once did when “high paid clothes horses” had the industry in their hands and could sell just about anything with a flutter of their lashes and a “come hither” sideways glance.

Supermodels of the ‘90s RESPECT! Now where did I put my wig and heels?

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