Wednesday, 14 August 2013

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - Clap Clap Snap

K-Tizzle has the interwebs!

Clap Clap Snap
by Katie Langley

For the last 18 months I had been living with a first world problem – I was living in a technological black hole. No cable, ADSL and piss poor mobile coverage. The first couple of months were hard, but over time I seemed to adjust and come up with work arounds. Any phone calls I needed to make were done at work or anywhere other than home and Internet… Well, I did what I could on my mobile on the train to and from work. And sometimes, if I was lucky enough and had my arm positioned in just the right way, I would get it working at home.

My first world problem has been resolved. I moved over the weekend into a place that has ADSL2+ and good mobile phone reception. Try not to judge me when I tell you that I’m so happy I could cry.

I’ve been telling everyone about my “super speedy Internet” connection. Fellow blogger Jo was quick to point out that it could very well just be regular Internet, that my perception could be skewed. She says she gives me three weeks before I’m punching the screen when things don’t load in 3 seconds.

People have been giving me all sorts of suggestions with things I can do with my “super speedy Internet”. My sister living in Melbourne is happy that we can finally Skype each other, I was reminded about the online course (with no Internet, yes I’m an idiot) I signed up for that I can now finally complete, and one of my male friends told me I should be excited about all of the porn I can now watch. All great suggestions!

What have I actually been doing with my “super speedy Internet”? I’ve been watching Turquoise Jeep video clips.

Turquoise Jeep Records was founded by Flynt Flossy and Whatchyamacallit. They found “success” (I use that term loosely) after releasing a song called 'Stretchy Pants' on YouTube in 2009. Other members of this whacky entourage include Pretty Raheem, Slick Mahony, Tummiscratch and Yung Humma.

After watching this video clip I couldn’t help but wonder if this was serious, and if Flynt Flossy’s moustache was real.

One of my favourite songs is 'Lemme Smang It'. In this song we’re introduced to the term “smang”. According to the song “smang” means to smash and bang. Either I’ve watched this clip too many times or that actually makes sense.

Flynt Flossy really brings his A-game for 'Did I Mention I like to Dance?'. This clip is the gift that keeps on giving from the gloves, to the headband, to his shirt that says “Flynt Flossy is my favourite rapper”. Modest. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any better he asks, “How do you like your eggs? Fried or fertilised?”

'Taste You like Yogurt' should not be watched while drinking any hot beverages. Get prepared to laugh out loud. It all starts with a man in a turtle neck sweater singing in German, there’s some kind of space adventure, and at one point people are riding a giant pigeon. If you didn’t at least crack a smile during this song then there’s something wrong with you.

I have saved the best/worst song until last - 'Treat Me like a Pirate'. Classic lyrics include “deep sea diving searching for her treasure”, “show me your treasure chest, move it around”, “her thighs so thick she kicks mules for a living”, and “when you board my ship I got a no hand salute, I hope you don’t mind I’m in my birthday suit”.

P.S. You’re welcome!

P.P.S. If any of the Turquoise Jeep boys are reading this – when are you coming to Australia? I’d love to show you my treasure chest.

P.P.P.S. Fertilised.

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