Tuesday, 29 October 2013

The Candy Shop #26

Nayt's going all out with his costume this year.

How To Make A Frankenstein Clown Cake
by Nayt Housman

*WARNING! This post contains clowns not of the happy friendly kind…

It’s that time of year again when the flowers are blooming and the weather is warm, all the kids are out playing and the ghouls and ghosts are readying to knock on our doors. That’s right it’s HALLOWEEN!
I’ve never really been the type to get all dressed up and go trick or treating, but I still love Halloween and what I love most about it is one thing that scares the pants off most people but I adore them. CLOWNS. I secretly (not so secretly) want to be a clown. A creepy, sinister, sexy clown. I’m sure it’s possible… The recipe follows.

Add one cup of - The Clown (Le Queloune) 

[Editor's note - Nayt did provide a warning. The following video is not for the faint of heart.]

This actually the whole film. Its soundtrack is peaceful, beautiful and warm like a summer breeze that wraps around the antagonist clown's twitchy limbs while he discovers himself and his newfound palette for delicacies not uncommon on the plate of Hannibal. I need a big helping of this kind of quirk in my creepy, sexy clown.

A teaspoon of - Saw's Billy the Puppet (Original short film = less gory) 

This is the scariest, creepiest puppet clown ever invented. I do not condone the whole “making people choose their death” thing but I will imbibe a small amount of his scary.

One litre of - Goldfrapp's Clowns 

Alison Goldfrapp as a sexy clown? I needs this. I wants this. I must have this. Also if it means I get to dance around in a clown moo-moo then I’M IN!

A tablespoon of - Krusty and Sideshow Mel's Send In The Clowns

Possibly (or definitely) the most famous TV clown and his sidekick would make an excellent addition to my Frankenstein clown cake. HEY HEY KIDS!

Half a litre of - David Bowie's Threepenny Pierrot

“Gaytime eyes” need I say more. I’m not the biggest Bowie fan but damn this man put the sexy in clown. I’ll take one to GO. Combine all the ingredients well, pour into a cake tin and bake at 180 for 30 mins.

Once cooked add a sprinkling of - Amateur clown doing things to Bjork’s Pluto 

What’s crazier than a badly done up clown being weird in an abandoned house to a soundtrack of Bjork? Ummmmmmm… I’m dry with ideas but I want what she’s having, so she’s in the recipe!

And finally!

Serve with a big scoop of – Lucille Ball


She’s the sweetest, most adorable, and definitely most delicious clown the world has ever seen ever and all I really need to say is “LOOOOO-SEEEEEEE!” “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHT?”


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