Thursday, 31 October 2013

Where Is My Mind? - Halloween Is...

Yep, Celine Dion makes me do that too...

...So Yesterday Already
by Jo Michelmore

Yep, today's the day, tonight's the night. Halloween. I know you're probably sick of it all already, 'cause I kind of am. I mean, when Halloween falls on a school night, the celebration is either the weekend before or the weekend after, isn't it? For me? The weekend before. While I didn't have a costume planned pre-Saturday night, I was kind of impressed with my suppressed goth/emo tendencies and the ability to pull together a black lace maxi dress, a whole lot of black beads, some black make up eyes, a lacey shawl and a whole pile of black flowers in my hair and wha-la! What have you got? A black widow/ghost type thing. Ok, that's what I told myself and what got me through the night, so leave me alone.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that's old news! That's last weekend! It might be Halloween today, but where I live, no one cares! Scary clowns? Zombies? Vampires? Ghosts? Whatever! You're done for the year again! So, because I'm so over it, what I'm here to celebrate are the sweetest, nicest, most darling pop songs ever. Anything and everything BUT scary. Or are they?

We left last week on an incredibly depressing note with 10CC's I'm Not In Love, so I thought it would be appropriate to start on another depressing song with love in the title..

Well, that's probably a bit unfair. I mean, the song itself is sweet, a forlorn and heartbroken Whitney Houston singing her little heart out about her lost love, who in this case, happens to be her co-star in The Bodyguard, Kevin Costner. Yes, Kevin Costner. Actually, Kevin Costner? Is there anything about Kevin Costner one would want to sing a love song about? No, no there's not. Actually, he's a little bit creepy, that Kevin Costner. Nope, this one's not so sweet then. Let's put that in the creepy Halloween pile and move on.

Ok, let's go from one vocal powerhouse to another, Celine Dion. Her song 'My Heart Will Go On' was one of the biggest selling singles in the world in the 90s and what a beautiful ballad it was, taken from that film, Titanic, about that giant floating coffin, the boat on which more than 1500 people died in 1912. Actually, that's not very sweet at all. That's tragic and Celine Dion made millions off that tragedy with this song! Right, another one we thought was sweet but actually belongs in the creepy Halloween pile. Let's move on.

Well, if the girls can't be sweet, let's look at some boys. I've gone for some Australian boys, because that's where I'm from. It's Savage Garden, of course. Who could forget this beautiful ballad? I think people might have played this at their weddings in the late 90s. Isn't that sweet? Except right at the end of the song he says he wants to "stand like this forever, until the sky falls down on me" What Darren? Forever? Well, that's just not possible, unless you're a vampire or a zombie. Also, you want the sky to fall down on you? Are you wishing for the apocalypse? Seriously? You want to be a vampire/zombie who witnesses the end of the world as we know it? I thought you were so sweet Darren Hayes. Seems I was wrong, another one for the creepy Halloween pile. Let's move on.

Well, I've looked to the girls, I looked to the boys, let's try a girl with a boys name (Toni's across the blogosphere gasp "my name is not a boys name! Sorry, it is.) Toni Braxton. Such a dramatic, sweet ballad about the loss of a true love...except, it's not actually possible to 'unbreak' a heart or 'uncry' a tear. You can stop crying, yes, but you can't uncry them. As for unbreaking a heart, I'm not even sure unbreak is a word. Unbreakable, sure, but unbreak? That's just poor use of words Toni. I'm going to have to stick you in the creepy Halloween pile for such abuse of the English language. Let's move on.

Surely old Taylor Swift won't disappoint, right? This is the sweetest little pop song, ever, isn't it? I got a gift once from a very, very, very good friend; a birthday card that played this little song every time I opened it. How...sweet(?). Romeo, Juliet, marry me you never have to be alone..."it's a love story baby just say yes" would be beautiful except, it's so incredibly sweet it makes me wanna vom. C'mon, seriously, you didn't think I could do a post about sweet love songs, did you? Really? I mean, I'll sing along to this one as much as anyone else, but there's a reason that friend gave me that birthday card...'cause it was so bad it was good. Like, laugh til you vom good. Yep, Taylor, you're just too sweet, let's stick you in the so sweet I don't trust you and you're actually a little bit creepy pile...

Where will my mind take you next week? Somewhere much less creepy, one hopes, right?

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