Wednesday, 5 February 2014

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - Give It Up, Give It Up...

Maybe Marilyn Manson should keep his makeup on...

Baby Give It Up
by Katie Langley

So, if New Year’s resolutions weren’t enough for you, there’s now FebFast. The idea is that you give up something for the month of February. Popular choices include liquor, sugar and digital devices. My work colleagues have joined forces for team “FebFast and Furious” (badoom-tish) where we’ve each committed to different challenges for February, including 5km your choice of exercise per day, no KFC, and then there’s mine…

I don’t really drink, so that seemed too easy. And I’ve already made a commitment to eating better, so that seemed easy too. It’s difficult to articulate what I’m actually giving up because then I would be breaking my challenge. I have vowed to give up talking about a, um, err, hairy topic for the month. Hint: rhymes with cleared. Yes. For me, not talking about that for a month will be harder than no sugar or liquor. Will I make it? Time will tell.

What should others give up? Well, let me tell you.

Pitbull should give up sunglasses indoors. Perhaps there are medical reasons why Pitbull wears his shades inside? Perhaps he’s got some kind of funky eye condition? For the sake of this blog post, let’s just assume that there is no medical explanation. That makes me sound like less of a bitch when I say that wearing sunglasses indoors just makes him look like an asshole.  

 Who is this woman? Who knows. What we do know is that you look like a wanker, Pitbull.

Insane Clown Posse should give up Faygo. For those unfamiliar, Faygo it’s a brand of soft drink that Insane Clown Posse have taken to spraying all over their audience. Seriously, I saw them in concert last year (no judgement, please) and they easily went through a couple of hundred bottles. At least one clown seems to have overindulged in the sugary sweetness over the years and is sporting a rather massive gut.  

 I'll let you guess who's had too much Faygo to drink.

Jason Derulo should give up using his name in every song. I really think that the novelty of this has worn off. At first it was funny, but now it’s just irritating. As soon as he does it I feel my whole body cringe. It does often make me wonder if he sings his name during sex. “I’m close, oh yeah baby, just like that… JASON DERULO!”. 

Jason Derulo, I can't even look at you without singing your name!

Ke$ha should give up the dollar sign. What’s with the dollar sign anyway? What’s the point? Is it supposed to make her more hip, cool, street? I actually quite like Kesha (yes, I’m practicing already) but the dollar sign has got to go. And can someone please tell me what happens when she travels? Does she substitute other currency? Ke£ha just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

 I like you Ke$ha, I really do. But it's time to drop the dollar sign. And the cornrows.

Marilyn Manson should give up makeup. The amount that he lathers on his skin cannot be good for it. Let your skin breathe, Mazza. Show us the real you! I’ve seen some pictures of him sans makeup and I actually think that would work way better for his image. After all, he’s all about scary, right? 


Miley Cyrus should give up twerking. We get it already! It was funny when it happened on Robin Thicke, but now it’s just a bit passé. What else have you got in your bag of tricks? And please Lord don’t let it be that tongue hanging out…

Stop it. Just stop it.

Paris Hilton should give up singing. And not just for February.

Put down the microphone and walk away. Forever.

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