Wednesday, 12 February 2014

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - It Must Have Been Love...

...But It's Over Now
by Matt Bond

When Katie is away, Matt will play? While the delightful Ms. Langley is attending to some personal business (presumably pronounced bid-ness), I'll be your Sizzle friend for this Wednesday evening. One can only hope Katie returns with her debut rap video, for it's been far too long since K-Tizzle spent some time building her once-bright rap career. One can dream, right? 

I thought long and hard about what to 'sizzle' and decided Katie would likely have offered up her unique insight on Valentine's Day, the day for meat lovers pizza. But then I remembered she did that last year and what we got was this:

I’d classify myself as a Valentine’s Day realist. And I can pinpoint the exact moment that reality smacked me in the face. It was February 14, many years ago, and I’d made plans to see Thor* (not his actual name, duh) that evening. Upon his arrival my gift was thrust into my hands. No, it wasn’t his penis. I looked down at what I was holding, and for a brief moment considered that maybe, just maybe the Subway bag was some kind of wrapping paper decoy. Maybe inside was a picture of us together in a fancy frame. Maybe it was one of those pet hermit crabs. Wrong. It was cookies. Before you tell me that I should be so lucky to get cookies on Valentine’s Day, even though they might be of the Subway variety, there’s something else you should know. Thor was a Subway employee, and if he didn’t save the cookies for me then their fate was the bin as they were bordering on stale. Romantic, huh? - The K-Tizzle Sizzle, 13/02/13

In all honesty, I have no story that comes close to matching the beauty of 'Thor, Actually' above, but I do know what it's like to spend Valentine's Day alone. Oh, do I know. I'm somewhat of an expert on the matter and combined with my love for sad, sad music and alcohol (preference irrelevant)... well... let's just say there ain't no party like a Matt Bond party on February 14. What's that? You want me to share some songs that are perfect for a lonely Valentine's Day? If you insist then. Just don't come crying to me when one of these tunes pops into your head at 8:45pm on Friday and you burst into tears while sitting at home, halfway through your Pretty Woman/Bridget Jones marathon. Bottle of red wine in one hand, tub of triple chocolate choc-chip ice-cream in the other. 

Someone Like You
by Adele

Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Guess I'm Doing Fine
by Beck

It's only lies that I'm living, it's only tears that I'm crying,
It's only you that I'm losing, guess I'm doing fine.  

I Can't Make You Love Me
by Bonnie Raitt

I can't make you love me if you don't,
You can't make your heart feel something it won't...

Exit Music (For A Film)
by Radiohead

The song's about a couple that go through with a suicide pact, right? How could I pick just one line? 

All By Myself
by Celine Dion

All by myself, 
Don't wanna be,
All by myself,

Stay With Me
by Lorraine Ellison

No, no I can't believe you're leaving me,

And a happy Valentine's Day to you, ladies and gentlemen. Katie will be back with some sizzling delights next week so stay tuned for that. Will I ever return to The K-Tizzle Sizzle? Who's to say. Maybe at Christmas?


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