Wednesday, 6 August 2014

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - Say What?

Marilyn Manson prepares to lick his wenis.

Say What?
by Katie Langley

If you’ve ever been to a wake before you’ll know that it’s fairly sombre and you often find yourself lost for words. At a wake recently I found myself a few drinks in, assuming my usual role of village idiot. I attempted a number of different aversion tactics including seeing if people could roll their tongues. It was a simple yet effective technique that then spiraled into touching your toes without bending your legs, and licking your elbow. That’s when things took a turn for the weird when my cousin muttered something about licking your wenis. “Your what?”, I asked, wondering if I had misheard and if he was about to tell me about Marilyn Manson (there’s an urban myth about rib removal, Google it if you feel so inclined).

Although it is not the medical term, it turns out that “wenis” is the slang term for elbow skin. How have I survived on this planet without knowing this fun fact? Regardless, the conversation that followed included a fierce debate after my cousin claimed that the wenis has no nerve endings. We all grabbed our wenii (is that the plural?), insisting that it did in fact have nerve endings as we could all feel it. There was even talk of putting a knitting needle through someone’s wenis as a final means of testing. Yes, this is actually a conversation that took place at a wake. And no, there wasn’t a knitting needle on hand to test the theory.

In the midst of the wenis debate someone looked at me and said “you should Sizzle this”. “Sounds great”, I say, “But it needs to have some relevance to music”. My cousin, the great wenii master, announced that I should do a Sizzle about songs which include lyrics about not having any feelings, because the wenis doesn’t (still hotly debated and unconfirmed). Sure, why not?

‘Numb’ – Linkin Park

“I've become so numb, I can't feel you there”

‘I’m Not Feeling You Anymore’ – Van Morrison

“I’m not feeling it no more, I’m not feeling it anymore”

‘No Feelings’ – Sex Pistols

“I got no feelings, ah no feelings”

‘You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'’ - The Righteous Brothers

“You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Whoa, that lovin' feeling,
You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Now it's gone...gone...gone...wooooooh”

‘Untouched’ – The Veronicas

“I feel so untouched”

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