Thursday, 16 October 2014

The A to Z of Pop - X is for X Factor

The A to Z of Pop
by Jo Michelmore

You thought X would be the one to screw me over, didn't you? Like in every childrens alphabet book, X stands for x-ray, so what was I going to write about? The bone structure of Katy Perry's face? Boy George always had excellent cheek bones...or that could have been the make up. Excellent make up. I could have chosen the xylophone and songs that feature said xylophone, but I thought that was a little obscure and to be honest, I'm very busy and important and didn't have time to research that (read: couldn't be bothered). X-rated? Get your mind out of the gutter (read: no, just no.)

The X in this A to Z of Pop stands for something I've not had a lot to do with, because I don't really like the TV much (shock and horror) but when one of my favourite things (read: music) combines with one of my least favourite things (read: TV) I have to get involved and therefore welcome to X in the A to Z of Pop: The X Factor.

Let's start with my local and a little quiz. The winner of The X Factor Australia 2010; Altiyan Childs. Do you remember what his winning song was? If you said yes I say no, you're wrong and probably lying because NO ONE remembers what his song was. Somewhere in the world tonight someone is trying to remember what that song was, but no one can remember - BECAUSE IT WAS AWFUL.

Let's see how the rest of the world does The X-Factor. Probably one of my favourite places in the world: Germany. Edita Abdieski won in 2010, with a song called 'I've Come To Life', but I beg to differ, because I see her youtube channel is merely full of her singing covers, which look like they've been shot on someones iphone. Shame Edita, you actually have a reasonable voice. If only you'd called your album something other than One it might have reached higher than number 32 on the German charts. Lesson X Factor contestants: don't reach too high, you won't be disappointed.

Alex and Sierra won America's version of The X Factor this year, so obviously we haven't seen their downfall yet. They're apparently a couple, but they look more like brother and sister (which makes me want to vomit) and they are SO SICKENINGLY SWEET (it makes me want to vomit). The good part about this is that anyone that sweet is sure to have a Miley style meltdown at some stage and that's something to really look forward to. 

And then I go to Denmark in the hope of finding some kind of Eurovision-esque type winner, full of glitter and pop and what I find is Chresten. Denmark, of course you do things this way, just that little bit different. I don't really know what's going on here, it's not even pop is it? But I know I didn't expect that voice out of an X Factor winner, exactly like the amusement I felt after walking for miles through Copenhagen to see The Little Mermaid and finding what I did. Ah, Denmark. That's twice you've let me down and twice you've surprised me. Oh Denmark, you're so xenodochial.  

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