All About That Hair
by Jo Michelmore
Welcome back dear readers, to the second edition of what has now become the famous IMKOS A to Z (famous is relative). This time we're looking at everyones favourite decade whether you were there or not; the decade of decadence, synthesisers, rubix cubes, plastic jewellery, Frankie says, large shoulders, break dancing, MTV, Magnum PI, neon, Fido Dido, hypercolour, Care Bears and Gremlins...there's so much about it to love.
Welcome friends, to the 1980s.
Let's start the next 26 weeks with something that epitomises the 80s, because if there's one thing about the 80s, they were big and so was the hair, so take your bass straight back to where you found it Ms Trainor, A is for All About That Hair.
You wanna talk about hair? The 80s inspired an entire genre of music based on hair. The bygone glamorous era of big hair bands. Ask anyone who was there who was the best and you'll get a whole bunch of names; Def Leppard, Skid Row, Bon Jovi...the list goes on but my personal fave? Poison. There's some serious hairspray in that band.
You think they're irrelevant now? Don't be fooled, we all know Iggy Azalea is only one comb away from that big hair. And while she's pretending she's all fancy, we know she just wants nothin' but a good time.
Poor ol' Whitney (RIP) may have gone through a few phases in that career of hers, but she reached the height of heights (literally?) in the late 80s with some curls and at least a can of hairspray on her head. Maybe a can of mousse too.
You think she's kind of irrelevant now? Don't be fooled. Every pop star in the world wishes they were a teeny bit more Whitney and Nicki Minaj is only a step away from a can of hairspray with those curls of hers. One more tease, add a touch of the mullet and bam, don't you wanna dance say you wanna dance don't you wanna dance.
Madonna needs to stop queen of pop's early 80s arch-nemesis Cyndi Lauper liked to mix it up a little. Colour it and shave it, then add the can of hairspray.
Cyndi didn't win the queen of pop title, but at least she doesn't get the 'needs to stop' added to the front of her name (thank you editor for my new way to refer to Madonna forevermore) but don't be fooled, Cyndi's influence is simply much more subtle than Madonna's. Skrillex may have taken her hair but it's actually his ex-girlfriend Ellie Goulding who learnt from Cyndi. After all, even with Cyndi's hair, Ellie knew Skrillex was a douche and girls just wanna have fun (etc).
Sweden has always been responsible for funny little trends. You know, like IKEA and Lykke Li and sandwich cakes, those funny little meatballs and that left leaning government...er, wait...in the 80s Sweden was all about short hair, a can of hairspray and Roxette.
It was the late 80s so the length was shortened, but don't be fooled, that didn't take away from the height. Miley of course thinks she can do everything one better so goes that little bit higher, which is fine, I just wish she'd try and follow their philosophies too and try to dress for success, as opposed to whatever her idea is.
I know Spandau Ballet must have had more than one hit, but I don't know what it was. I'm more interested in those clothes and how many cans of hairspray it took to do all five heads of hair.
Like every all boy group, there's an ugly one, a bad one, a boring one, a smart one and a talented one. Except I can't quite figure out which is which, in any group. Like those before them, we can all take solace in the fact that One Direction will be done soon, no matter how much they believe, they are not indestructible. Gold!