Thursday, 26 February 2015

A to Z of the 80s - F is for Fight!





And The Real Winner Is Music
by Jo Michelmore


In 2015 we like to pretend Taylor Swift and Katy Perry have some kind of epic feud and Azealia hates Iggy and Kanye likes to argue with anyone at any award ceremony given the chance, but I have decided the best battles happened in the 80s. No, not Michael v Prince, not Tiffany v Debbie, not even Russia v the US of A, the best fights were fought with a soundtrack. Because everything was a lot simpler in the 80s. No poorly spelt apology tweets. In the 80s, there was only one way to resolve a fight. And that was by dance.
 


In 83, Michael Jackson was just chillin at home in his keyboard t shirt when the neighbourhood gangs had enough of each other’s toothpick chewing ways and decided to fight, by holding hands and knives. Thank goodness for Michael and his orange leather jacket or the constant spinning and ineffectual flailing of weapons may never have stopped. 




It happened again in 87 when Michael was innocently prancing through the mysteriously empty subway with his pack of acid wash clad youths, when they stumbled across a ticket inspector demanding to see their proof of fare. No ticket no journey. Well they weren’t standing for that and a fight with the authorities turned into a dance battle involving the splits, roller skates and black leather. Thank goodness for MJ’s crotch grabbing talents, which put the inspectors off, or he would have faced a $30 fine. Except it was probably only $5.50 in the 80s.



 

Fighting must run in the Jackson family, because in 89 Janet was also pretty serious about her battles. She formed an entire army of dancers in ‘Rhythm Nation’ who were clearly pulled together to fight the common enemy…nations with no rhythm? 





All Pat Benatar wanted to do in 83 was hang out with her underage boyfriend, cut her pretty dresses into rags, dance with her strumpet friends and wear every accessory in her wardrobe, at the same time. But sleazy white vest wearing men wanted to get in her way. As they did in the 80s. Thank goodness for Pat, her manic arm movements and boob waggling ways. No gold toothed man could stand in her way. 


   


And in 87, one of the greatest musical genre fights of all time was fought. All Aerosmith wanted to do was rock and all Run DMC wanted to do was rap. Thank goodness for the hip swinging and somersaulting that Steven Tyler performed and the tricky double high-five above his head that Run DMC pulled off and the classic fight of hip hop vs rock was won. By music. Yes.




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