Wednesday, 22 April 2015

The K-Tizzle Sizzle - Who Do You Think You Are...

Katie's latest novelty picture. Smiling is so passe.

... Now?
by Katie Langley

Before the lovely blog bosses here at It’s My Kind of Scene (hi Matt and Jo, how’s that pay rise looking?) gave me the thumbs up to write absolute smack week after week, irritating and offending a trail of people in my wake, I was an uber fan.  I left stalker like comments all over the Facebook page, and sometimes peeped through their windows. In some kind of effort to appease me they invited me participate in a segment called “Who Do You Think You Are?” in 2012. It worked, and I binned my binoculars immediately.

I thought it would be interesting to see how 2012 Katie answered those questions, and how 2015 Katie would answer now.

Q. What music are you listening to at the moment?

2012 Katie: Die Antwoord. I fink they’re freaky, but I like them a lot. It took me a long time to ‘get’ Die Antwoord. Ninja’s weird rapping, Yolandi’s high pitched squeaking – it’s just a little bit odd. But that’s exactly why I love them now. Plus, they have a lyric about Nutella (“Nutella on my sarmie” – Rich Bitch).

Crosses. Chino Moreno (Deftones) can do no wrong in my opinion. Even those baggy Dickie pants he wore at the height of the Deftones phenomena rocked my 15 year old selfs world. Crosses is beautiful. Chino’s voice is haunting.

Combichrist. I saw these guys earlier in the year and they blew my mind. Actually, if I’m honest, I spent most of the show lusting after Trevor Friedrich on percussion. He climbed all over his drum kit like Spiderman – it was amazing. It’s music to drive to. And bang to.

2015 Katie: Instead of desperately trying to think of some obscure bands to list to appear more elitist and cool than I actually am, I will reveal the 3 most top played songs according iTunes. I was a little surprised by the results, but upon reflection I think it perfectly reflects how truly eclectic my musical taste is.

'Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High' - Arctic Monkeys. I actually use to really dislike this band, but had a change of heart when I heard their latest album. I know I was a bit obsessed with this song for a while, but am having a little difficulty understanding it's top ranking status. Maybe I'm an indie kid after all? Never. Vomit.

'212' - Azealia Banks feat. Lazy Jay. This song still has some of my favourite lyrics of all time - "Imma ruin you c**t". At my request fellow blogger Jo actually put these words on some shortbread biscuits she made recently. Yes, we do strange things like that from time to time.

'Gimme Chocolate' - Babymetal. Some might say it is a complete and utter over reaction but I would say this song was one of the best things to happen in 2014. Not just musically, generally. This song makes me insanely happy and for this reason it was my number one choice in triple J's Hottest 100.

Q. Which five music stars, living or dead, would you invite to a Katie Langley dinner party and why?

2012 Katie: My dinner party is too incredible to confine to 5 music stars, so I selected 6.

  1. Lil Jon – You know that Lil Jon is up for a good time. I mean, he’s the King of Crunk! Anyone who sings about “Shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots” is welcome at my dinner party.
  2. Cypress Hill – I’m not insane in the brain – My dinner party needs dessert and I hear they make wicked brownies.             
  3. Marilyn Manson – Have you seen Mazza lately? He’s clearly been enjoying a few too many dinner parties, so what’s one more?
  4. Courtney Love – She’s like a car crash waiting to happen and I can’t turn away. Plus, she and Manson in the same room is likely to make for interesting dinner conversation.     
  5. Kayne West – Ima let him come to dinner, but only if he admits to being the ultimate wanker of the world.
  6. The Beards – A wizard needs a beard, a pirate needs a beard, a hippy needs a beard, and my dinner party needs beards.

2015 Katie:

  1. British pop singer-songwriter  Katy Tiz because she needs to know that this town ain't big enough for the two of us.
  2. All of the members of pirate metal band Alestorm because (a) pirate metal, need I say more and (b) they'll have the drinks supply covered for the evening.
  3. That guy who left One Direction (whatever his name is) because I think he could use some friends.
  4. Jason Derulo so I could sing his name at every opportunity. "Pass me the salt, Jason Derulo".
  5. Jack White because Jack. Oh, Jack.

Q. Who do you think are the greatest songwriters in music today and why?

2012 Katie: Rappers are quite obviously modern day poets. Take Nelly’s “Grillz” –

“I got da wrist wear and neck wear dats captivatin'
But it's my smile dat's got these on-lookers spectatin'
My mouth piece simply certified a total package
Open up my mouth and you see mo carrots than a salad
My teeth are mind blowin' givin' everybody chillz
Call me George Foreman 'cuz I'm sellin' everybody grillz.”

Lyrical genius, right?

2015 Katie: It has to be David Hasselhoff who has so brilliant rhymed "time" with "time" in his latest smash sensation 'True Survivor'.

"Out of time, running in and out of time".

Again I say, lyrical genius, right? 

Q. Nicki Minaj... yay or nay?

2012 Katie: Nicki Minaj? More like Nicki Min-NAH! She might have the super bass, but to me she’ll only have a super ass. Seriously, have you seen that thing? I’m sure Sir Mix-A-Lot would answer “yay”.

2015 Katie: This is still a resounding nay, and the absolute abomination that is ‘Anaconda’ only further solidifies that. Case well and truly closed. 2014 Katie felt strongly enough about Nick Minaj to devote a sizzle to it.

Q. Describe to us your dream music festival.

2012 Katie: My dream music festival would be all about comfort:

  • Lots of covered areas to hide from the pesky sun (and rain – don’t make me sook about Soundwave 2012 again).
  • Sparkling clean toilets.
  • Golf buggies to transport you to different stages.
  • Massages for tired feet and backs.
  • Showers.
  • Nap areas for that 3pm to 5pm lull.
  • A ban on fairy wings.
  • A rule that sweaty men must keep their shirts on.
  • Bean bags.
  • A cage for punters with Southern Cross tattoos.

Frenzal Rhomb would open the day, because that’s how all good music festivals start. Then I’ve love to see some artists that I’ve never had the chance to see before – brace yourself, it gets weird and wonderful - Ace of Base, Mindless Self Indulgence, Dog Fashion Disco, INXS, the Spice Girls, The Donnas, Cradle of Filth, 50 Cent, MIA, KMFDM, Peaches, and Har Mar Superstar.

After I’ve napped, showered, and had my massage then I’d love to end the evening with the hilarity that is TISM. The caged punters would be delivered to the stage for their final song “Whatareya?”(A yob or a wanker? Google the lyrics).

2015 Katie: My dream festival would have no people. And no sun. I'm older, crankier and whiter.

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