I WAS YOUNG... ONCE
by Matt Bond
I have always loved music charts. The ARIA charts, the Billboard charts, Rick Dees and the weekly top for-teee, the official UK charts and so on and so forth. Back in the day (aka the 90s) I would watch the ARIA top 50 countdown on rage every weekend to see what the most popular songs were. Would Silverchair be on it? Would Pearl Jam's 'Last Kiss' still be number 1 and would I not be able to listen to it again because it didn't have a video? Would I be subjected to, "RAGE, rage, RAGE-RAGE-RAGE, raaaa-AAAAGE!" once more? The last one was obviously going to be a yes.
Then a little thing called the internet came along and I could wait five minutes for a page to load that would just give me a list of the top songs! It was glorious. Time would pass, the internet would get a whole lot faster (if it ever slows down again there will be chaos) and I would keep on checking those charts each and every week. Until I didn't. It wasn't a conscious decision and I couldn't even tell you when I stopped. Life must have gotten in the way, but I'm not sure if I can say that when I don't have much of a life. I could blame Netflix, but that's only relatively new to my life. Work? Adult-ing? Attempted Adult-ing? All I know is, I had a little look at the ARIA charts this week and didn't know the majority of the songs. Out of the Top 10 songs in Australia, I knew three.
Not knowing what the kids are listening to, combined with my new love for Sportscraft and Country Road clothing, it suddenly occured to me that I am old now and society will soon be done with me. But what if I love these shiny pop tunes that are charting it up today? Could there still be time for me? Lots of young people wear Country Road, right? I decided to give the ARIA Top 10 a shot and if I could love the songs, maybe I could still be hip. Or groovy. Because hip and groovy are what the kids are saying, yes? I'm jive to the lingo on the streets. Yolo? So, in keeping with the 10 and 1 tradition, I'll be taking a look at the ARIA Top 10 and giving a little shout out to one song that should be up there in the charts. Will I remain young and relevant? Or is Facebook right and is my taste in music that of a 50 year old, like that stupid quiz told me? Let's find out...
#1. See You Again
by Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth
Not only do I know this one, but I like it! A lot of that has to do with the fact that I've seen Fast and Furious 7 and I have a heart. Who would have thought? R.I.P Paul Walker :,(
#2. You Don't Own Me
by Grace ft. G-Eazy
That stop-start music in the rap segments gets annoying, but the track is largely inoffensive. I guess. Grace has a nice enough voice. Still, I'd rather listen to Lesley Gore's original... which is from the 60s.
#3. Shut Up and Dance
by Walk The Moon
Yes! There should always be an 80s inspired jam in the charts that makes you want to dance. This is fun. It knows it's fun. I'm a fan.
#4. Marvin Gaye
by Charlie Puth ft. Meghan Trainor
No. A million times no. This is a disgrace. I don't want to talk about this, I've already reviewed it. Can they not? Australia, can you not?
#5. Lean On
by Major Lazer and DJ Snake ft. MO (with that strike through the 'O'... Blogger is hard.)
Definitely the best of the bunch so far. Major Lazer has done quite well for himself. Is this played on triple J? I'm assuming it is. It seems like a track those hip young thangs that listen to the j's would be all over like a rash. We'll add this to the like list.
#6. Hey Mama
by David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj and Afrojack
"Yes I do the cooking, yes I do the cleaning, plus I keep the na-na real sweet for your eating, yes you be the boss and yes I be respecting, whatever you tell me 'cause it's game you be spitting." Get. Fucked.
#7. Wasn't Expecting That
by Jamie Lawson
I wasn't expecting that I'd like this as much as I did, but it's actually a really sweet song. But seriously, Ed Sheeran called and he wants his whole schtick back.
#8. Let It Go
by James Bay
I imagine I would like this a lot more if one of my favourite TV couples broke up and this was playing in the background. What? Watching my stories gets me through the day.
#9. Want To Want Me
by Jason Derulo
Jason Derulo is a talented performer, but the songs he chooses to record are getting worse and worse. He's slacking off, relying on shots of his scantily clad body to sell the music. What a slut. He can't even be bothered to say his full name at the start of the song. All we get is a whispered, "Derulo." Where the, "JAAAAASON DERULO!" at? Generic. Does not want to hear again.
#10. Do You Remember
by Jarryd James
Well, this is... boring. I'm bored. Aren't you bored? Why aren't you bored?
So, out of those ten I'd say I will willingly listen to two of them again. This is not a good sign for me. Ok, let's be honest. What I really think is, it's not a good sign for the music charts. This is pretty rubbish and I can happily say I'm not missing out on anything by not checking out the charts. The good thing about getting older is you realise music doesn't have to be popular and topping charts to be amazing. More often than not, it's the songs that aren't anywhere near the charts you'll end up loving forever. That's pretty presumptuous of me to say, but if you're reading this you're probably not listening to the Shazam countdown on Nova this evening. Good for you! Songs like our one for tonight? They'll always be number one to me.
Hold On Together
by Jeremy Neale ft. Phoebe Imhoff